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Name: nicole jones
[ Original Post ]
i have been having a really hard time explaining to my family (especially on my husbands side) that even though we're not exactly rolling in the dough i have no desire to work. it's my personal oppinion that women should have a more traditional role in a home, and i married my husband because he wants to work to take care of our finances as his contribution to the family - but it just isnt for me. i have a standing job offer (as the manager of a law firm) and could go back whenever i wanted... but i feel like i have to constantly defend my choice to clean, cook, and pay attention to our kid instead of dropping him at daycare to sit in my office in a suit all day. sometimes i can't help but wish i lived 50 years ago where this wouldn't be an issue. anyone else having to explain yourself constantly?
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Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 4:05 AM
i just realized there were several typos in my last post... sorry guys, i'll proof read next time. 

Name: homemommichele | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 4:57 AM
Sort of funny isn't it? Our moms and grandmoms were Expected to stay home, and they hated it! They wanted to "bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan" and be "supermom". We finally realize you can't have it all and have prioritized what's important. Unfortunately many have to work in todays economy just to make ends meet and some are lucky and can make it on one salary. many that comment are probably jealous, you obviously are making it, you have a home and computer...!! Others of us choose to do with less and bring in a little with a home biz or live on one and cut a lot out, but it is Definately worth it!! Why have kids just to never see them and have them taught someone elses values? A friends son stays with his Grandma and she said "I see you more than your Mom!!" He said "I get to see Mom on Sat and Sun" Isn't that sad?!! He doesn't live with Grandma, he goes home every night after 5 when she gets home, eats goes to bed, and gets up to go to school or Grandma!! Yet who is raising him?



Name: Layne | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 5:49 AM
I also stay home. My kids are in 4th and 6th grade. i am ready to work. but find it difficult to find work that I can be home after school. i thought it would get easier to work when they got to this age but it is worse in some aspects when they were young I worried about something happening to them and they couldnt tell me. now they are older and i have to worry were they'll go on there own. daycare cost more then it is worth. i'd be lucky to bring home 1.50 after payng for child care. I dont know what the answer is. Im still looking. and yes we have a very tight budget 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 5:52 AM
and nicole arent families great with there two cents. always butting in. I really get sick of it. it isnt my husbands family for us its mine. always with there advice. I wish they would all mind there own buisness. 

Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 12:48 PM
Hi i think that there is nothing wrong in what you are doing i stay at home as well and it is my choice!
At the end of the day it is no bodys else's buiness. 

Name: mommyagain | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 12:54 PM
I have done both stay at home mom, work outside the home (still with my kids, taught preschool) and now work outside the home in an office with a meaningless job that pays ok money. There is a side to all ways. Staying home I worked twice as hard because you never get the break, you never get clocked out and you never get paid... not money at least. Working in preschool was great I got to see my kids everyday whenever I wanted but let me tell you it can get really tireing taking care of 20 kids 24 hours a day! And now that I am working outside the home... yes I would love to sit home most days and play with the girls but 2 things stop me.... MONEY!, and I do like the break every now and then. Point is which ever way you go it is the right way.... as long as it works for you. Most moms who down look stay at home moms are jealous plain and simple they work hard everyday and would love nothing more than to stay home with their kids but for whatever their reason is it just isnt do-able. As far as people looking down on you... ignore it. If this arrangement works for both you and your husband... screw everyone else it is you life and your choice. Dont explain yourself to anyone. You are an adult and this is your choice. When these family members are giving you grief just say to them "this is me and (hubby) choice and it works for us" then change the subject or leave the conversation all together. You shouldnt feel threatened around your own family.... and hubby needs to stand up to them also. That will make a world of a difference. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 9:19 PM
Hey if the bills are being paid and there's plenty of food in the house and you and your husband agree on it then screw what anyone else thinks! Whenever anyone brings it up again ,ask them if they pay your bills and when they say ,(no),say,"well ,shut the hell up then!" Then add,"the finance business in my household is ONLY the business of mine and my husbands,and I would thank-you kindly to butt out and mind your own affairs!" 

Name: soontobe6 | Date: Jun 11th, 2006 9:50 PM
I don't work and never did but babysit.my hubby sooner me home looking after the kids then working.being a mom is a hard job some people are just rude and can't see what amom goes through.i wish some one would walk in my shoes for a day and realize how hard it is.i have 5 kids under age 10 to seal with all alone while my hubby works long days.plus being pregant isn't always easy 

Name: Collins_Maiden | Date: Jun 13th, 2006 5:29 PM
I read an artical that questioned the wisdom of limiting one-self to homemaking. Now, I am a homemaker and we don't hae any children... at least not yet; but I do want to be prepared to provide for our family if Rick was unable to. The writer told her story as a women who devoted her career days to the her family, and was later devorced and left to provide fo herself. She was in her sixties when her husband devorced her to marry a younger women. The judge gave her six months of alomony (excuse the pelling =)) and advised that she use that time to work up some work experience. One can imagine the fear, frustration, and pain that this elderly women felt as she worked two retale jobs, learned to cut her life style by half, and juggled bills that she had not delt with for fourty years.
I learned for myself from this article is that a plan B is a good thing to have. I don't want to spread a fear of being abandoned, but rather an assurance of a back up plan if somethng were to happen that would disrupt one's financial security.
Now, Nicole Jones, you have a back up plan (congradulations on your accomplishments =)). I agree with you on your choice to invest in the growth and security of your child, aswell as the choice to support your husband by keeping the home so that the time that he spends at home with you and your child is spend as a family. So, I encourage you in your new career as a mother and as a wife. It really doesn't matter if your extended family understands or values why you chose this career; what is is that you do. I believe that you are able to not only sluff off thier disaproving opions, but also able to weed through their advice to reap the advice that would benefit your family. You and your husband know what is right for your family and you two are able to discern what suggestions would bless your family. I have a very controlling mother-in-law. To give you a glimps of how controlling she is, she discussed with the minister whether or not my husband and I were ready to get married at the rehersal dinner. My husband has learned how to handle his mom by verbally validating her worth as his mom, establishing his responsibility as the leader of the home, and as the leader he must lead his family in a way that will benefit his family.
I hope that this may bless you in some way =). 

Name: firewife | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 10:53 PM
I fully understand where you are coming from Nicole. I worked my butt off to put myself through school, then left my job making $30 an hour to stay at home just a couple years later. Some have asked why I even bothered with college, I joke and say I just wanted those fancy letters behind my name but it is very hard, I hate having to defend my choices. I simply state that I am doing what I feel is best for my family. Good luck to you, I hope you stick it out, it will all be worth it. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 14th, 2006 11:55 PM
To firewife: $30 an hour!? You gave up $30 an hour!? I think I'm feeling faint!! You must really,really,REALLY love your family to give that up. I know money isn't EVERYTHING but $30 an hour!? There's no way I could ever walk away from that kind of money,NO WAY!!!!! 

Name: firewife | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 12:13 AM
To Lizzi, yeah I know makes me want to cry too, but I work in the medical field and as long as I keep my license I can go back whenever I want. I wouldn' t trade all the money in the world to leave my child at daycare, I have seen too many really bad cases. What do you do, are you a SAHM? 

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