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| Name: stephanie | Date: Dec 1st, 2005 4:53 PM |
| lesli, wow! you are going through a lot. especially with a 5 month old baby. i take it that because your baby is new, so is your marriage. correct me if i am wrong. but, you just need to get a fire under his butt. is there anyway that you could go to school with the money and he stay home with your little one? or you could just threaten him with that. say, "fine. if you don't go to school, then i will leave you and i will." that may not be the best marriage advice, but it's what i would do. i am 21 and have 2 year old twins. after they were born, my husband got into a VERY lazy spell. never helping me in the middle of the night, sleeping way in on his days off, and never helping. granted he works 11 hours a day, but i work 24 hours a day with no days off. i also had a problem getting him to start holiday traditions with me, but he came around and is now more enthusiastic about it than me. maybe you just need to talk to him, ask him what is really going on. why doesn't he want to go to school. tell him to get the enrollment done and then have the next month to still relax without it hanging over both of your heads. let me know what happens. and us newly married sahm's got to stick together!!! good luck!!! ↑ |
| Name: Kristen | Date: Dec 14th, 2005 12:03 AM |
| Lesli, I know exactly how you feel. My husband works hard during the week but on weekends he thinks he should be able to "rest" well I'm sorry but we have four girls under the age of 5. No one gets rest!!!!!!!! He stays up late and then sleeps in. He never considers that maybe once he could get up at 6am with the girls. He just takes me for granted all the time! Kristen ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Dec 14th, 2005 2:30 AM |
| I have been going through pretty much the same, although my hubby is gone a week at a time, (he drives truck), and the only time repairs and MAN things can happen is when he is here on the weekends, well anytime he does do something it is left half undone and I get to deal with it. I understand that he is tired and all, but I'm tired of dealing with the stuff he needs to do. And the time that he could be doing something productive he is either sleeping or watching tv. He did do some nice things for me this weekend, but again it was left half way done! ↑ |
| Name: lili | Date: Feb 17th, 2006 4:08 AM |
| What you need to do is realize that if he likes the way his life is, he will not change a thing. Instead f giving him the money to go to school, which he obviously does not seem to interested in doing, out the money away for your child's college fund. Even if your husband wants to go to school, let him get a job an dpay for it like most people do. He is not a child, do not enable him, you already have a child to take care of. I apologize if this sounds mean, but you sound like you have your head on right and you deserve to be with someone who can at least pull their own weight and bring something to the table for your child. Do not squander your settlement on him, whatif he does go to school and then drops out, or what if he goes finishes and then leaves you. No one wants to think about that kind of stuff an dmaybe that would never happen but I always say better safe than sorry especially when kids are involved. If you do not want to tell him all of this straight out, tell him their has been some sort of problem with your settlement and that the money will be coming in installments but later and in smaller amounts than you anticipated. If you already received all the money and he knows it, tell him they may actually owe you more and that the attorney told you the money you received cannot be touched until the pending litigation is resolved. That way he can not blame you and you will see if he really wants to school or if that was an excuse not to work. Be careful and take care of yourself and your child first. ↑ |
| Name: RK | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 1:10 PM |
| Hi Lesli, I understand what you are going through as a woman and a s a doctor as well..... It's hard.. very hard.. But I think you should sit down with him and tell him everything you think calmly about him. If he believes he is a good husband he'll try to improve, if he thinks he is a good person he'll understand, show respect and start helping straight away.. and if he thinks it's a male dominated society - he'll retaliate and argue... Beware! that's the critical moment: if you think he's wrong - make appropriate decisions if you think you are wrong- be preapred to live lke this all of your life (it's gonna get worse) and stop complaining.. If he agrees he's wrong- sit down and discuss the problems and your feelings... I'm sure he'll understand and .....There can't be another way!!! This is life! RK Melbourne ↑ |
| Name: mary | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 4:06 PM |
| Don't Let Having a Baby Ruin Your Marriage Becoming a parent brings new joys as well as new stresses into a couple's life. Partners might disagree over the division of added responsibilities or feel neglected because the baby is getting all of their spouse's attention. Dr. Phil offers the following advice for parents who fear that having a baby could ruin their relationship. Renegotiate your relationship. Make a plan. Set a division of labor, time management, and make a commitment to having fun and recreation in your life. Write it down and hold yourself accountable. Use reprogramming instead of willpower. Willpower is a myth. It will not carry you for the long haul. Having children is a huge privilege and an awesome responsibility. You want your life to work so that when the emotion isn't there, the programming carries you. Remember that you have two roles. You are both a mother and a wife or a father and a husband. You must make a pact that you will not stop being friends and lovers just because you are moms and dads. You must take care of yourself and your spouse if you want to take the best care of your child. Children join your life. As parents, you don't join your child's life, they join yours. You need to be a couple and integrate your child into your relationship. You were together before your child, and you'll be together after. Don't fight in front of your children. That's just wrong! The more you fight, the more they think that you're fighting about them. They can feel your negative energy, and that's not the environment you want for your children. Remember the formula for a successful relationship. The quality of a relationship is dependent upon the strength of its foundation and whether it meets the needs of the two people involved. More advice here:http://drphil.com/articles/article/49 ↑ |
| Name: Lydia | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 12:35 AM |
| Lesli, Are you still coming to the forum? I'd like to hear how you're handling things now. I married young and had babies young. My first baby died when she was 15 months old, and because her father, now my ex, had sold insurance about the time she was born, we had a nice insurance policy on her. This was 20 years ago, and we got $50,000. That was a whole lot more then, then it is now. I wanted to pay off our debts and then save the rest for our next baby which was already on the way, but instead he spent it on this and on that, not working and taking trips to go golfing in the winter, etc. Then we just HAD to move (according to him), and I was so filled with grief yet and no one was coming around to help me with dealing with him. Everybody was avoiding us because they didn't want to think about our baby dying or something. Anyways, we ended up moving because I wasn't strong enough to keep saying no to him and having him and his friends call me selfish. All that money was gone in 8 months! Lesli, if you are still on this forum, you really have to put that money aside, like Lilli said. It's so important. And find yourself some support if it be a family member, good friend, or a pastor. You're being alone with this is the worst thing for you. When your husband sees that you are being supported and he is not, maybe he will start to grow up. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 26th, 2006 6:56 AM |
| Lesli,cut your losses and kick him to the curb now!Your story speaks inloud volumes.You know what you need to do.He is not going to go to school.I think you should use that money to put yourself through school and while doing so stay with family that does care about you and can help with the baby while youre at school bettering yourself for the future of you and your baby.Get a divorce from that deadbeat and dont look back.In a few years you will be so glad you did! ↑ |
