| Name: Siren | Date: Apr 4th, 2008 6:14 AM |
hi everyone
The daughter is now 17 and i found out why she was acting like this. She felt i was taking her dad away from her i sat her down and talked to her and reasured her i wasnt there to do no harm to her. Since then me and my boyfriend are seperated and living at different places but trying to work things out. I did get the child some help and she told me its because of her dad she needed the help. She confided in me that her dad was living a double life while with me he was with someone else. Recently he told me he had a job out of town and moving there only to find that he was moving in with his other girlfriend. Well the girlfriend called me one day because he was with me at that time and told me everything so when i confronted him he went there packed his things and moved to his sisters house where i have been going every second weekend to see if things will work out. So far all is well but the last two days he has been really moody, he calls me names but i dont take it i hang up on him and when he calls back he asks me why do i hang up i told him i do not need his abuse no more. He tells me to change my number why should i he doesnt have to call it. He said we were through only to call and ask if i want to be together, oh my god i think this guy is screwed and very much confused in the head he needs to deal with some of his own issues. Now he wants me to move with him and keeps saying i wont because i never rush into things, i find that in time by watching him that i will change my mind why would i want to move there only for him to say get the hell out this is my place then where do i go, therefore i am studying this matter. Yes i love him and want to work things out and want to move in with him but i want a secure life not a screwed up one. ↑ |
| Name: amanda | Date: May 1st, 2008 6:10 PM |
| my words have little 2 do with the forum. i just thought id find people here that know more than myself. heres the jist... my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. hes been absent for 14yrs(lost communication). hes been trying 2 find her for yrs. we found her recently. we r both very happy n exited. shes had so many yrs of not knowing her father truely wants her. this is a happy reunion needless 2say. how do i help wipe away such deep seeded feelings of rejection &abandonment? we have 3 young children 2gether. i know there could be feelings of gelousy and anger because they have him, and she did not. shes 16 now. the gap of time cant be made up for. how can i as a step mom(& a stranger) make her feel wanted and loved? her younger sibblings will look up 2 her n love her. i want her 2 feel like they are part of her because they are. i plan on making ALOT of time for her n dad to just have ALONE 2gether. other than regular reasurance that shes cared about, and staying outa the way wile they bond, im not sure what 2 do. i havent any real experieance here. i think this is a good foot 2 start on , but who has further info, helpful tips, words of wisdom?...... please load me up with it, ill need it. thank you ↑ |
| Name: lost and alone | Date: May 25th, 2008 10:40 AM |
| you were snooping but who has nt if you let her she will tear your relationship apart as a fairly new step parent i even know this mucch and believe me i wish my problems were as minute as yours and really i dont mean to be harsh its just that i have lived through hell with my boyfriends ex really i have ↑ |
| Name: singlechristina | Date: May 26th, 2008 3:41 AM |
| thanks everyone here ! You'v changed my life a lot. I think I should share some good things with you all . I just found a very interesting dating site called www.singleparentloving.com ***which you can do a lot of thing there. Such as instant chat , blog, and searching the one you like in you area etc. It's really interesting. I think you would like it ! ↑ |
| Name: sheila | Date: May 29th, 2008 7:17 PM |
| I totally understand what your going through. I am in the same situation. I have an 11 year old step son and I been with his dad for 3 years. We got married a year ago and now he says he hates me and wants me gone. He is making my life hell and he said he will not stop til I am out the door. He is destroying this family. I really think we should talk. ↑ |
| Name: China | Date: Jan 8th, 2009 1:00 PM |
| I think it's wonderful that you developed such a great relationship early on but please be mindful that she feels this way and attempt to stay two steps ahead and hopefully her father will see it for himself. ↑ |
| Name: Rebecca | Date: Feb 5th, 2009 2:31 AM |
| I am newly married to a great man with a vindictive angry stepdaughter and a turncoat lying stepson. I am at my wits end with them and the way he allows them to behave... I have bent over backwards in the past treating them with nothing but the best. Even making my 16 year old son cow down to all the new rules that only seem to apply to my son!! Good luck to you girl!!! This is total hell!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Izabella | Date: Mar 13th, 2009 12:55 AM |
| Hi I know exactly how you feel, I too have a 12 year old step son that I do everything for he also is a liar do you want to talk ↑ |
| Name: Izabella | Date: Mar 13th, 2009 12:56 AM |
| Name: Confused and Upset | Date: Jul 9th, 2009 12:42 AM |
| Is there anybody out there that can chat with me???? ↑ |
| Name: dee | Date: Jul 16th, 2009 10:12 AM |
| how do i sign in and chat? , I married a man with 4 kids, and its been six years of love and devotion, his wife passed and my ex passed, and after all these years, Im sick of being crapped on, i have had it, He sticks with his kids tho and doesnt even care when i cry because of what {his oldest daughter} would say to me, thinks shes an angel, bullcrap, dont marry a man with baggage, it sucks playing second fiddle, I either want him alone, or nothing I would kill my kids if they ever disrespected mhim like that, all they care about is my money, or what they can get. , I should have held off , now we are married 5 years and I gained 40lbs, I love him when he is alone, they are older in their 20's and still behave this way ↑ |
| Name: Keen | Date: Jul 25th, 2009 3:52 AM |
| Sounds like my situation, only I really dislike this child of my husband's, I know sounds terrible, but I have had enough of her..... ↑ |
| Name: srbizzymom | Date: Aug 7th, 2009 5:39 PM |
Dear Siren
if you are still involved in this relationship...GET OUT. After 6 years if a guy hasn't married you I don't think there is a chance he will and just trying to work things out is more time wasted. You have a good heart, but you need to get on with your life. ↑ |
| Name: Phat | Date: Sep 14th, 2009 6:09 PM |
Siren,
I am in the same boat as you are, but my 15 year old sep daughter has never drawn a pic stabbing me with a knife.
When I first met my boyfriends daughter, she was the sweetest girl that I ever met. I took her places with me, spent money on her, included her into activities that I enjoyed and spent a lot of one on one time with her. It was not until her dad and I were together for 2 years that she turned on me. She would tell her dad that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. She called me a space cadet and other obsene things that I never dreamed she would say. It has been a total of 2 years and some odd months that she has completely stayed away with no contact with her father and I. The only reason I can think of is the fact that her father and I have a huge age gap and she doesn't like it. I also have reason to belive that she had been trying to break her dad and I up so that she could be happy, back to being daddy's girl and spoiled. If there is one thing that I have not done since her father and I have been together that would be; I never stopped them from a father/daughter relationship. I always admired the fact that she was a daddy's girl.
I also feel that if her dad and I never started dating that she would be seeing him every other weekend. Now that I am in his life and she sees the happiness in her father's eyeys, she hates it. There are times when I begin to have second thoughts about my relationship with her father. But when he and his mother tells me that it's not my fault and that she has to accet the fact that he's happy with me, it makes me feel a little better. Then again, I'm still missing the parent role that I once had. I know she's 15 and she can be a pain...but the truth is I love her and always will. I will always accept the fact that she is my step daughter. I have found myself crying over this because I know how much she hates me. ↑ |
| Name: Kris | Date: Nov 27th, 2009 10:20 PM |
| Name: Kris | Date: Nov 27th, 2009 10:28 PM |
| I'm 24 year old recently moved and left everything to moved in with my boyfriend he's a great guy makes me happy all the time expect he has a son...his son is 7year old and i feel like i take his daddy away from him he usually wants his dad attention all the time i find myself struggling with this and don't know what to do...i don't have any kids so with this i dont know what to do...his dad wants to get married but i think his son will not respect me for it ↑ |
| Name: kiwimom | Date: Feb 14th, 2010 6:51 AM |
| Hiya what a painful experience for you. I remember being that teenager and I can tell you right now I hated everyone and the world and it was everybody elses fault. If she is writing it down then that is where she is venting which is good because she's not taking it out on you or your family. It's a phase and unfortunately it will be a phase for the next 3 1/2 years. Hang on in there it gets better and also kill it with kindness but, don't be a doormat. ↑ |
| Name: asheley | Date: Feb 16th, 2010 12:58 AM |
| lady im 12 i have a mean stepmom ask her dad is he ever told her he wasnt gunna hit another girlfrined if he did that the problem my step mom told me she was gunna kill my dad and take all him money ↑ |
| Name: lala | Date: Apr 17th, 2010 10:20 PM |
| my daughter and husband dont get along it causes sooooooooooooo many arguments ↑ |
| Name: Orchid | Date: May 3rd, 2010 10:10 PM |
Hi Siren,
I am in a similar situation but I am actually married. My stepdaughter came to live with us at the age of 15, she is now 17. I have done everything for her and I love her, however, she does not love me. She only wants a life with her father. She gets upset when I go anywhere with them but he doesn't notice her facial expresses or her attitude. It has gotten a little better but she still pretends to like me when inwardly she doesn't. However, I have accepted it and I continue to help her whenever I can. I make it a matter of prayer. ↑ |
| Name: jen | Date: Jun 7th, 2010 11:14 PM |
| I have a proble with my boyfriends daughter she is seven and both her mom and his exgirlfried left her. She will not let me and her dad kiss or hug. She will start crying and throughing a fit. Im not sure how to deal with my problem either. I also involve her in everything. And buy her things to. Its really frustrating. For your qwestion go to her and say i know you dont like me can we please work on it? I can tell you dont like me and i love you and your dad. So i really want you to be happy to. Is there anything i can do? ↑ |
| Name: tn country | Date: Jun 21st, 2010 3:26 PM |
| I agree with amazing: I think you should still talk to him, He should still know. No matter what he thinks. ↑ |
| Name: tn country | Date: Jun 21st, 2010 3:33 PM |
| Hi siren, my husband thinks his daughter Chay is an angel,, thinks she does no wrong also, so i know what you are going through. Its not easy at all ,, i love him so much he loves me,, i have been with him when she was 15 also she is now 20,,, its not any better. Its worse, and Ed and I are still always staying close, but the issue of his daughter just stays quiet,,,,,,,, its so frustrating,,, one reason why i joined the chat , so i can here and maybe learn and get some support. see he has 2 other daughter one 23 , one 12 and a son 10. Its a mess cuzzz there is a crazy x wife in thi picture from day one. Any time u want to talk siren im here. ↑ |
| Name: tn country | Date: Jun 21st, 2010 3:53 PM |
| I know what you mean by cursed with aa Bigggg Heart. ↑ |
| Name: tn country | Date: Jun 21st, 2010 3:56 PM |
| use to leave her journal out for me to see. She wanted me to sse what she wrote. ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Jun 22nd, 2010 5:27 PM |
| It is so tough - my stepson hates me openly. ↑ |
| Name: New At This | Date: Aug 20th, 2010 9:53 PM |
I hope I'm doing this right. I've never been to a chat room and can't figure out where to post, so I'm jumping right in and please forgive me. I'm hoping to talk to some step parents as I don't really know anyone in my situation and I'm having some troubles. The set up: While I never wanted to have my own kids... I always knew I wanted to adopt or be a step. I've worked with kids for years in my career, but never found the right man, right family etc. that I wanted to be apart of. Finally, at the age of 38, I found the man and his great kids. The kids and I all took a liking to each other from the first time we met and it's great! My husband is a great dad. There's been some weird issues with their mom, but that's to be expected and no matter what she does or says, we are always positive about her in front of the kids.
So what's the problem? After we got married, I moved to be with them and I'm struggling with a few things:
1.) There was no newly wed time! I went straight to being step mom and wife. I know, partly my fault. But I feel we lost that close, team feeling connection we had before I moved. Part of it I know comes from him wishing I WAS the kids real mom...and I know the kids should always come first...but it seems my husband get's a little extreme about that at times trying to make sure I 'get' it's all about family and the kids first.
2.) Sometimes it feels like I'm being left out of the loop the 4 of them have. If I try to do something that's not the way they do it, it's mocked. For awhile it was haha funny, but now it feels like a battle on any new suggestion, even little things... putting 2 Christmas tree's up because that's how I did it in my family. Where's that line? I don't totally have to do it their old way for everything, or do I?
3.) It's really hard to be expected to do all the mom things, (driving, cooking, cleaning). Heck, I don't mind! I signed up for this. I go to the ball games and do the homework and all of that and it's fun. But I don't get any of the privledges of mom things at times, i.e. see above with being able to change subtle things.
I know the kids and my husband love me and we all have lots of fun together...but at times I feel like I'm losing 'me' to the family. Anyone? ↑ |
| Name: Coral | Date: Nov 15th, 2010 12:17 AM |
| I am in a relationship with this guy and he has a 5year old daughter who will not sleep by herself. Her mom and my boyfriend allow her to sleep with them all the time. I belive it is important for a child to feel secure in their surroundings and feel he should give her her own space and make her sleep by herself. The mother tells my boyfriend that he has to sleep with the little girl and he gives into the crying and does not belive he should make the child be independant. He says "she is only 5 and should not have to be made to sleep on her own sence she has always slept with him and his ex ever since she was born. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do? ↑ |
| Name: need prozac | Date: Jan 22nd, 2011 2:45 PM |
| Run as fast as you can !!! Trust me. After 10 years married with 2 step kids, your life will be a living hell. She has already come between you due to you not being able to tell your husband about the journal. Nothing will ever change, even when they are in their 20's and moved out. ↑ |
| Name: Kendra | Date: Jun 14th, 2011 11:03 AM |
Siren,
I feel for you, I am married to my husband and i have a 15 year old step daughter. She has been my daughter since she was 3. Recently I found texts from her to her mom about me being fat, and wanting to hit me with a car. Now, she lives with us and her mother never spends time with her. Everything she is in, cheerleading, tumbling, basketball, track. All of it I helped her with. It is killing me as well. My first thought was to talk to her dad, but just last night I found that not to be helpful. They will stand up for their child. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have no words of wisdom. I got on here to get help and saw your post. It stinks, but at least you know. Sorry I couldn't be more help just know that your not the only one. ↑ |
| Name: cinda | Date: Mar 1st, 2012 4:08 PM |
| Siren - hang in there. If you love her father, you will have to ride this out. Just maintain your kindness and patience with her and she will come around. Teens are very immature and especially one that is now having to share her father's attention. She will eventually figure out that you are not a direct threat if you allow her and her father to maintain their closeness. I definitely feel for you - hang in there! ↑ |
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