| Name: Lana | Date: Nov 5th, 2008 3:39 AM |
Just wanted to chime in. I was born with deformity in my feet and lower legs. I'm 28 now. I have read my mom's journal and she has been honest with me (later in life) about how she felt when I was born. She didn't know of the deformity until I came out because of the positioning, which likely caused the deformity.
She told me she was so scared, so sad, blamed herself...until they nurses gave her to me after she demanded to see me because they nurses were afraid she'd hurt me. She said when she looked in my eyes, everything faded. She realized she had to give me extra love to bolster me up for what would be ahead and she vowed to be a team with me, us against the world.
That's exactly how I was raised. I was popular in school, I played sports, I now have an amazing boyfriend and have had plenty of romantic connections, friends, amazing career moves, wild success all over. I couldn't have done it without her.
And it's true--I know no different. I like my perspective, I feel it's more sophisticated and in-touch and self-aware than others. I'm empathetic and have a huge heart. I had no fear as a child. Teenage years chipped away at that, but I'm slowly coming back to having no fear...I'm sure later in my adult life, it will happen.
My best advice is: Don't think of yourself and your insecurities over this issue. If you are superficial or have body issues--get over them now. You need to be there to show your child that what's inside counts...allow them to be normal...focus on what they can do. They will be just fine :D
Email me if you have any questions or want further advice, would love to help and I'm actually also a Life Coach (www.coachingoncloudnine.com)...you can find my contact info there.
Warmly,
Lana ↑ |
| Name: Lana | Date: Nov 5th, 2008 3:44 AM |
I wanted to add that yes people will stare and kids will act the way kids act. Sadly too many adults act that way too.
When people would scare, my mom would notice that it made me uncomfortable. She would stare them down with a look of death. Sometimes she'd even say, would you mind not staring at my child? She called those people, the stare-ers, "Pointy People". I don't know why! She just told me the other day she made that up so she could give a name to those insensitive, tactless, people...in a way that I could understand as a child.
To this day, if I notice someone saying...I just role my eyes, walk by confidently, and think..."stupid Pointy People!"
Also--kids teased at school...but my mom didn't get involved or dwell on it. She just told me she was sorry they didn't know any better and they weren't raised to have better respect for others who are different. Although it still hurt, it allowed me to really see people for what they were (and their parents).
Hope this helps, be brave--that's what they need from you...that and so much love. ↑ |
| Name: anonymous. | Date: Mar 23rd, 2009 4:50 AM |
As a person born with a birth deformity, I can tell you that having a baby with a deformity is selfish...why bring a life of pain into the world if you KNOW beforehand (and luckily these days you can fine out beforehand, be thnkful!) if you know that your child is going to feel this pain EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OR THEIR LIFE even if you treat them normal, do the best you can, send them to the best schools. There is a world of very cruel people out there, and what will happen is your kid will pretend to "ignore it" as you will probably tell them to do, and later on they will become deeply angry about being born this way. They may even blame you. That is a lot of guilt for you to have to live with.
Do you think I like getting stares...and no, not the kind that models get for being attractive...the "freak show" stares. Being different may be okay TO YOU because naturally, if you're a good, loving parent, you will love your child however he or she is. BUT, it will NEVER be OKAY to your child. They don't have to tell you that for you to know it, the cold harsh truth. NOBODY wants to have to live that way. We all want to be seen as attractive and get attention in this world. And we're sad when we don't. What is on the inside should count, and it does, but your child will not only being ignored, but worse, traumatized and made fun of all through school. And maybe even later when they go to work. This can cause a lot of depression. Think about what will happen when your son or daughter grows up one days and complains to you about not being able to get dates? People out there in the world are so superficial, maybe not you, but that is why you're scared right? Because you don't want your child to suffer? Think about what you yourself find attractive, and if the child wasn't yours, would find one of these "different" people attractive walking down the street. Would you wanna go out with them? Probably not. Sorry to be harsh, but love just isn't always enough. Just because you tell them they're special and they participate in school activities doesn't mean that they're ok. It means they're hiding their pain and anger about being born that way. Trust me, I know from firsthand experience and have talked to people with deformities that all feel the same way. Some are more optimitstic than me, but they're felt the same pain. The real world is just too cruel, spare the child of this pain if you can, if you believe in abortion. This child shouldn't have to suffer because you decided to get pregnant. They deserve everything that every "normal" person has and a fulfilling QUALITY of life. Yes, you can give them a life, but if you can't give them quality of life, them what is the point?
Luckily, my deformity is more minor, and I've learned to enjoy certain things so that I don't think about it all the time but it's hard. I wish I ws everything I am minus this. And I'm making the best. But you know beforehand about the deformity before the baby is here- you can still prevent a life of sadness. And this deformity you're talking about is much more severe than mine. I'd really think about it carefully before it's thirty years too lateup with and the child ends up wondering "is? What did I do to deserve this?" and "If people know how hard it must be to live like this, why do they treat me differently and without the same respect?" ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Jul 9th, 2009 1:11 AM |
| my son was born with half of his left arm an he is able to do anything its scary at first..but he will be fine...they have lots of people that can help you an your child..they have tools that can help him with daliy living....dont be sacared be happy for your child ↑ |
| Name: mb | Date: Jul 13th, 2009 10:39 PM |
| I know how you feel.....I gavebirth to my baby a month ago..shewas born with a hand deformity. She has littlebuds instead of fingers Her thumb and index finger are somewhat developed but very deformed and the rest of the fingers are just little buds, no bones...Only thethumb has a little nail...it looks bad...i didn't expect it it was a shock. They never saw that when doing ultrasounds and i had so many of them....I feel devastated and worry how she is going to cope with tasks and whether she is going to have low self esteem because of that...It hurts so bad...why her...why me.... ↑ |
| Name: C | Date: Aug 30th, 2009 2:01 AM |
| My son Avi has two diffrent craniofacial "abnormalities" though I LOATH that word, abnormalties.....he was born with Apert Syndrome and Frontonasal Dysplasia and I get many stares from adults and children but he attends a regular preschool and has many friends. He's sweet and loves giving hugs and kisses and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. ↑ |
| Name: ipanema Ordonez | Date: Mar 5th, 2010 12:35 AM |
| I just started a relationship in where my 33 year old boyfriend is missing a half of his left arm, I ran out of options to maintain the calm yet there is no help like grace and mercy outthere to deal with situations like this. I by the power of the holy spirit i am able to see both of his arms yet reality knocks he only has one complete arm. I do not know what to do. ↑ |
| Name: renee | Date: May 30th, 2010 9:30 PM |
| yes my ultrasound said that something may be wrong with baby right leg ↑ |
| Name: Maira | Date: Jun 26th, 2010 3:42 PM |
| Hey im 17yrs old and i have a baby with a deform ear..i did not know until he was born sometimes i think that it was my fault but then again its just how life is.it goes on just remember be confident and treat your baby like a normal baby later on in life they will appreciate how confident you made him/her..god bless you and your baby.. ↑ |
| Name: gage | Date: Jul 21st, 2010 2:09 AM |
| i also have a deformity thats called pectus cartium (it causes the sternum it the chest to stick out also known as a brid chest) and is very hard to over come mean kids at school but i just ignore them and try my best to overcome my fears and obsticles, i am now a very good catcher and am in love with baseball and i dont eve notice my defromity. so i advise your child to find something he loves to take his mind off of his deformation because its helped me alot...ill pray for your child tonight... ↑ |
| Name: ipanema ordonez | Date: Aug 3rd, 2010 8:02 PM |
I am back,
I broke up with my 33 year old boyfriend whom by the way kept on stalking me over the internet, i told him i will report him to the police if he will continue doing it. therefore he stopped i pray to the holy ghost to never see him againg in my life, because is a very scary position to be in when people do not overcome themselves and accuse others to provide and fullfill their needs as functional individuals. My mother will say if you are old enough to date you are old enough to cope up with your emotions. Good Fortune to You All. Love Ipanema Ordonez ↑ |
| Name: Paul | Date: Sep 20th, 2010 11:20 AM |
Hi Tia
Your baby will be fine..My son Daniel was born on 2/11/09 with his left hand and forearm missing........as far as the scans went we were having a healthy baby. The shock was unbelievable and sadness followed for a few weeks. The typical thoughts were I wonder if he will be able to do this or that and trying to plan his life without an arm out. Then after a few weeks the shock and sadness lifted. We had this beautiful little baby boy.
Since then we have never looked back...Daniel is a healthy boy who runs climbs goes on scooters plays football and trampolineing. He has been accepted by everyone who meets him, he is very out going and is treated the same as everyone else. Daniel having one arm was concerning but he has been a breath of fresh air, we have no worries about Daniel anymore he has made us so proud to be his M&D.......no one ever forgets him and thats a good thing.
He walked when he was 10 months old.....he is already potty trained and he has a excellent physique and balance.
You know Im writing this just now and thinking when Daniel was first born.......I was desperately searching the net looking for reasons and artificial limbs looking for some kind of answers. Do you know this is the 1st time since then that i have looked for amniotic band on google. Not for answers but to put people who have the same with sons or daughters minds at rest. Honestly everything will be fine as long as you treat them the same as any other child with no special treatment.
Cheers
Paul
PS if you would like to chat drop me an email. ↑ |
| Name: melissa | Date: Sep 28th, 2010 11:08 PM |
| hey..everything will be fine! everthing happens for a reason. i have a five year old son that was born without fingers( on both hands) and missing one foot. I was 22 when i had him. NEVER smoked or drank or drugs in my life! i believe god has given him to you because you will a wonderful mother for this child! i know its very hard, but one day you will see him as nornal as any other child. ↑ |
| Name: Mindy | Date: Nov 12th, 2010 12:38 AM |
| Im 21 years old and I'm 8 months pregnant and my son is missing his left hand. I very scared n it is also depressing bc of how people act these days and make fun of people with problems. If anyone can relate I would like too talk bc this is hard. ↑ |
| Name: codamama | Date: Mar 22nd, 2012 5:50 AM |
| I have a four year old son who was born with an ulna anomaly (totally random and nothing I did) I found out at 20 weeks pregnant and was pretty upset. He is my first born and thinking of him having any set backs was heartbreaking. he was born healthy and amazing with a short right arm and only three small fingers on his right hand, two of which were fused. He had surgery to give him better use of his hand. Children his age are just starting to notice, and are showing curiosity, but I worry about kindergarten, as my boy is very sensitive. I'm trying to decide if I should talk with him to prepare him for teasing, or wait until it happens to bring up the subject. ↑ |
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