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Name: mlevy396
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Name: JamieB | Date: Nov 9th, 2009 10:39 PM
mlevy396: I understand. My fiance has a crazy ex wife. She filed for divorce but treats him as if he left her. She in one minute emails him and wants him to move back home, and when he doesn't respond, all of the sudden he used to beat her. She's that psycho. She found out he was dating me (younger, prettier, skinner, all around better than her) and she went completely bonkers. I never met the woman and she was trying to message me on myspace every day, 10-50 times a day. She was texting him up to 500 texts a day until he took it up w/ a lawyer, police, and his cell phone company. Now they have a block on her phone that blocks her completely. Which in turn drove her crazy. Now that it's been a year, she's calmed down, although it might be because we recently found out she had applied for numerous Credit Cards, and other services under his name, SSN, DOB ie. identity theft (as recent as last month). Now that the police have called her and questioned her about it, she's not said ANYTHING. Oh, and her car is about to get repo'd but she tells us she "makes 4x as much as we do". Right. She's a compulsive liar, even about the health of her kids. If it takes his attention away from me or the kids, then she's got her rocks off. Just hang in there. Ignore everything she does that you possibly can. Kill them with kindness. 

Name: E.Legette | Date: Dec 25th, 2009 9:50 PM
I know many women in similar positions so much so I have a blog
a terible situation 

Name: miss9374 | Date: Jan 7th, 2010 7:01 PM
I have a very similar situation. The ex-wife is so spiteful and jealous, and did I mention so totally consumed about what goes on in our house it's disturbing. She tries to turn their daughter who is 8 against everyone in our house including our new baby. It's gotten to the point that after 5 years we have such problems with his daughter when she is over the house. She doesn't like me and lies to get my 2 children in trouble.

All your husband can do is keep trying, eventually hope that his kids will see what their mother is doing. 

Name: anonymous | Date: Jan 16th, 2010 12:27 AM
You can't do anything about the ex-wife. But you CAN take steps to stop the Parental Alienation she is trying to achieve. Read Richard Warshak's "Divorce Poison" and Amy J. L. Baker's "I Don't Want To Choose" and "Taking the High Road." They will help your husband save his relationship with his kids, even in the face of their's mom's efforts to the contrary. 

Name: mp | Date: Jan 23rd, 2010 7:56 PM
My husband's ex is real nasty - have been for the past 11 years of which we've been married for 9. She left him - didn't want to try reconcile at all. She makes up the girls against us - milks us dry financially etc. But, we have what she'll never have - each other. The kids wil grow up and make up their own minds eventually. It's hard and doesn't get better. She's jealous of what we have. She's now divorcing for the second time. Means something, doesn't it???? Stay strong!! 

Name: FA | Date: Jan 30th, 2010 5:19 PM
In reply to post prior to this one, same exact situation - ex didn't want to be married, got re-married and divorced. And miraculously, we're the bad guys. Here's where I need advice. My husband has two kids. Divorce order didn't specify any exact amount for college as this was not mandated at the time of the divorce in our state. Regardless, over the 10 years that we have been married, we opened 529 accounts, refinanced our home and saved what we could to help the kids get a solid education. Keep in mind that the ex-wife has stated that she is broke now and cannot pay one dime toward the kids education, My husband has a good job - but not a millionaire by any means. Child 1 is a Freshman at an excellent state Universit y and has a major scholarship to help defray the educations costs. Child 1 comes home over a break and declares that they don't like the University and are now going to apply to very very pricey schools -- thus losing the scholarship if they transfer. I have worked full time for 22 years, and we have a child of our own. We also have Child #2 going to college in less than 18 months. Of course the ex has told Child 1 that they can go wherever they want, and thus the child is getting the push to look at Ivy League schools, knowing full well that Mom can't pay anything towards it. I have had it -- this caused terrible friction in our home as I feel that Child 1 should be glad that they are getting an education and should stop pushing the envelope of feeling entitled. Most kids in the US would be thankful to get a college education and wouldn't take it upon themselves to go and apply to Ivy League schools just because they don't like the school they are it - or because they feel that they are 'better' then the rest of the student body at the current school. I decided to end the fighting in our home - my company is constantly laying off, and I am not willing to clean out 22 years of savings to send my step child to an ivy league school at $55k a year. I suggested to my husband that each of his two children be offered $xx per year. Child 1 can apply away, but if the school can't come up with the difference, Child 1 can get loans (not co-signed by us), or have Mom come up with the difference. Is this fair? How have others handled the college tuition issue? After all of the BS that this ex has caused over the past 11 years, I am not willing to put ourselves in debt when she never saved a dime for her own children. How do you handle a situation like this? Am I unreasonable for being upset at Child #1 for not just accepting that they are getting a good education? This is when a step parent feels that they have no voice - I help pay the education costs, but if I dare open my mouth, I'm the wicked step Mom. You can't win. 

Name: Theresa | Date: Mar 15th, 2010 2:51 PM
It seems my situation may be a little different. I met my husband while he was still married to his wife. He doggedly pursued me and I told him that I did not want a married man. He told me that he really hadn't been "married" for two years. They slept in separate rooms and hadn't had sex in years. I am not an angel in this situation. After 3 months we did begin an affair. He has since left her and we have been married for a year, he has been divorced for 4. The difference here is his kids are older, 18 and 21. However, they are just as evil as his ex-wife. She does not discipline them, nor lay out any boundaries for them. In fact, the younger one even dropped out of high school. He, out of guilt, signed a ridiculous property agreement that will have us in debt for the next 6 years. She blames me for everything and spreads lies about me. My father died almost 30 years ago. She called me and told me that my father died so he could get away from my mother and me. She also asked if I became a whore on my own, or did my mother teach me. I could go on and on. She hacked into our bank account, and even after I closed our joint account, she still hacks into his. Every time I think it might be over she starts her crap again. Believe it or not, my husband is a wonderful person. No one has ever loved me or taken care of me like he has. But she never gives him crap!....only me! Early on, he did go back to her to try and work things out, but on the 6th counseling session, she refused to go. His one child was seeing us for a while but the ex went to her and said, "I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't go to Daddy's anymore because it really hurts Mommy's feelings". So we haven't seen or spoken to her since. The woman is psychotic and needs counseling and some serious meds. I too had to be but on anti-anxiety meds because of this. I don't think she will ever stop and it is killing me. I know this may sound harsh, but I could care less about the kids. They are adults and act like bratty little children. It's the ex who brings out the worst in me. I'm drowning and I don't know what to do. 

Name: stilts101 | Date: Mar 20th, 2010 3:41 PM
As a woman who is now separated mostly because of his exwife and now I've been cut out of my stepdaughters life because of her and he just follows along like a spineless dog. If you are about to get involved with, marry or have a baby with a man with an ex who is a problem... RUN RUN RUN away, it's not worth it, he's not worth it. There a plenty of wonderful men without an exwife. He stood up to her a bit in the beginning but he gave up within a year and she ran ragged over me for another 7 years before I walked away because I had no respect for my husband anymore being he wouldn't stand up to her. He let her attack me (emotionally, verbally) and I ended up hating him for it. It's just a really ugly situation. My stepdaughter and I loved each other from the beginning and that was the problem, she was insanely jealous of our relationship and in the end alienated her daughter by ignoring her when she spoke of me and made her feel guilty for enjoying time with us. Now that we are separated her mother won't allow us to spend time together even with my ex around she dictates to him who he's allowed to see on his weekends! It's insane. He and I would get along reasonably if it wasn't for her sticking her nose in our business constantly. Anyway, ex's are evil jealous bitches and now I get to try my hand at it LOL I hope I have a better understanding having been in the new wife/stepmother position. I hope I learned that your children will love you as their mother first and foremost if you're good to them and everyone else too, there's nothing wrong with them loving other people too. 

Name: githern | Date: Apr 27th, 2010 7:00 PM
We actually have the same exact issue. My husband and I have always bent over backwards to do what ever we could for the kids. Their mother then decides she is angry about something and belittles both of us to the kids. She tells them they have to call me Step -Monster (from St. Elmo's Fire) and not mom which they decided to do years ago. Now they called and said they hate us and never want to see us again. I'm pregnant with my first child. I can't even tell them the news so they don't even know they will both be big sisters. I was going through one of their rooms so that I can convert it to a nursery and it was so painful. I truely feel like someone has died. Then I found that there was a lot of things missing and all of her money that she had saved up for the summer vacation is gone too. That tells me that they had decided before the last trip that they were never coming back up. I'm so hurt and I miss them so much, but I'm really angry too and part of me wants to just seal off any memory of them to protect myself from the pain. I have helped raise them since they were 3 and 4 and suddenly none of that matters. I was the one that was there when the youngest got her first period, I taught them both how to spell and write their names, I have their baby teeth. None if that matters. My husband and I were just so easily thrown away. 

Name: Sharri | Date: May 11th, 2010 12:06 PM
Hi there, I am married to a wonderful man who was caught by a tramp, whore, deceiver, unfit mother etc to get married within 7 months of meeting. He knows the truth today regarding the circumstances when they met in 1973. She had married a man in 1970 (she was 18 - he was 29yrs) left him when she was 8 months pregnant to live with another man and put on the divorce when the child was 3 months old. Her husband got Full custody and she got 1 weekend per month and 1 vacation per per year. The ink was not dry when she was looking for someone else to marry as the live in boyfriend did not marry her. To cut a long story short - she does not tell my husband that she had achild and pushes for marriage. They have a chid in 1975 and only then does she tell him she had a child but that she does not know where he is. Liar, as I got the divorce papers years later and saw the truth! She abndoned her son! Never cried or missed him or regrets. He buys them a house and she has an affair with the divorced neighbour across the road (who has a baby daughter), leaves him puts on the divorce and lives with this neighbour directly across the road. This is sordid and humiliating. The neighbours must have had gossip for months. The divorce is barely thru and she leaves the neighbour boyfrind for another man. 6 months later begs my husband to come back for the child's sake. 9He let her back because the child looked pitiful and neglected! She catches him to remarry her within 6 months and she continued her affair with the neighbour as well for 3 yrs. They sell, move and within 3 months she leaves again for a toyboy who was known in their social circle. My husband meets me through a boyfriend of my sister, but does not tell me he is still married and only separated. He tells me he is divorced! His mother never liked me and his whole family was in with his ex-wife never mind what she had done to him. I never stood a chance. My mother-in-law to be asked my work address and gave it to her and she sent two of her women friends to my work to tell me to leave "my husband to be" as he is no good etc. My "husband" was privy to all info as soon as something happend but he failed to step up to the plate and his ex dominated my marriage for years. His son was disrespectful and would say terrible things to me. She only remarried a year later when we did. When I was pregnant she sent her child over whenever he was sick and the final straw was when he had chicken pox! I could have miscarried or my child could have been born with something wrong. My husband then took his son to his mother instead of returning him home! By the way I never had a weekend off as she would send him every weekend to our home and she would have every weekend off. During school holidays my mother in law would have him and as the year went by she did not recognise my children as her grandchildren as she only had one. I cut of the relationship with her and she never got to see my children again. This ex-wife married 5 times and eventually met up with husband no. 1 had a reunion with the son she abandoned. Got the husband to marry her again and within 6 m onths was planning to leave him and have half his assets as she was 49yrs old and also had an illegitimate son with a very much younger toyboy (11yrs younger) alas he did not marry her. My husband was always on her list to catch him on her belt and to get his assets that have been built up as she told my mother in law now that they were older, mature they could make a marriage work. She was an adultress, unfaithful slut who caused havoc. I am still reeling from all the power my husband allowed her to have by not speaking up as he said he wanted nothing to do with her over all those years. Her latest husband then shot her and himself. Justice was served but her family and my husband's family to this day have said and still say that my husband loved her very much. I think it is because of his lack of action in reprimanding her and getting rid of her out of our and his family's lives and by having his kid every weekend. It still hurts. I have trust issues and feel like my marriage foundation was built on a lie and have no more respect for my husband for not standing up and protecting, defending (us) his family in our household from this evil influence. Needless to say I have told his family their fortune now after many years and all contact is broken off. My husband has broken contact with his "son" which we are not sure of today that he is biologically his as that ex-wife was always having affairs during their marriage. My advice to single, young women out there dont become a rescuer and get involved with anyone who is not single as you will suffer all the baggage that they will dump on your doorstep and no marriage can survive extra third party troubles. RUN! From someone who knows and cares ( a rescuer) 

Name: Ruben | Date: Sep 6th, 2010 7:09 PM
Lookin for sex 

Name: jess2006 | Date: Sep 16th, 2010 6:20 PM
I have had to deal with this...the kids are now 18 and 19 and thier eyes are opening up..No matter what your husband does the ex will try to put him down, it can be the right thing or the wrong thing either way she make him look like the bad guy. My stepchildren went thru the stage of not wanting to come on the weekends same thing bored etc...now the 19 year old is over more on his own than before and said he was glad that his dad didn't make him come to visit...on the other hand the 18 year old wishes dad would have made her come to visit...for instance the kids at the time were told by thier mother if they were made to come over that that is just awlful they don't want to be with you and her....or if my husband didn't make them she would tell them he doesn't care enough to force his visitation right...so see either way she manipulates the kids mind this whole time...it will eventually come to a head where the kids realize that they love both of thier parents and realize how thier mother has basically been the problem this whole time with how they have felt about thier father...it just seems not to come fast enough 

Name: ingrid | Date: Oct 12th, 2010 5:14 PM
parental allienation syndrome 

Name: najib | Date: Oct 13th, 2010 9:57 PM
30 y/o morocco 

Name: pinkrae25 | Date: Nov 9th, 2010 5:50 PM
No - don't give into the kids. It won't get any better if you do. You tell them it is a requirement of the arrangement. Time off does not make it better. Can you help them have some friends activities during the weekends they are with you? Perhaps that will help.... 

Name: omg | Date: Nov 24th, 2010 5:15 PM
Brainwashing. Your husband was good enough to create two children with but not good enough to be a father? What makes her the better parent? What really goes on inside the exes home? A lot of brainwashing the kids? Making them feel like crap for talking to their dad? They say they have no friends around your house. Well, duh! They are hardly ever there. And who are their friends anyways? What are they like? Are they good influences on them? Anyway, I'd rather have them with their dad than hanging around with who knows who. The kids are just making it easier for their disturbed mom by keeping their distance. They don't want any trouble. Unfortunately, their mother is not a part of the solution and her goal in life is to see the two of you miserable. Really sick. Meanwhile, the kids are missing out on a lot of good experiences in life. They will learn to live with it because they are not given an a choice. I hope that they will be able to make up their own minds and say "tough love" to their mother. But, maybe they don't want to go against their mother in case she plays the victim. They feel responsable for their mothers emotions. She's putting too much guilt on them and that is not fair. It doesn't matter how much your husband tells his kids he loves them. She will always find a way to turn it around. Evil is the mindset of this woman. Don't know why. 

Name: Sharon | Date: Nov 27th, 2010 12:55 AM
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said she is mad because she can't control the situatio anymore. I am dealing with the same issue and I'm on the virge of just going completely off! Maybe that is what you need to do and as far as your husband goes, I think it's a good idea for him to say " I love you and you can come anytime that you are ready to". 

Name: ali | Date: Dec 5th, 2010 1:19 AM
She should have her kids taken from her and see how she likes it. 

Name: Donna | Date: Dec 5th, 2010 3:42 PM
hello, I've been with my husband for 15 to 16 years. His children were 3 and 5 when we got together, He have been through alot together. My husband to has always pay his child support and in some. LET me tell ya, first the kids came every other weekend like court ordered. But when kids get to this age 13 and 16 it started. They don't come around as much. We have rode it out. Macy who is now 20 comes home when she is in back from college. Bryce comes when he wants. He is 18 and has a girl friend that keep his attention. So its really kinda normal. The one thing that Jeff and I have learned about the ex-wife. she really is a great mom. and we have problems off and on with her. But WE NEVER say anything bad about her in front of the kids and sooner or later the kids have learned that we care about them and what they need. As they get older they will come around. Stay true and close to your husband. and will all work out. 

Name: ALL SMILES | Date: Feb 1st, 2011 3:31 PM
My husbands ex was everything a nightmare is made of!!Don't let them jealous ex wives get to you!!Making sure that there are boundaries at YOUR home is what they hate the most,kinda like dealing with toddlers,but on a pathetic level!!Filing complaints at your local police station for their behaviors are free by the way!!!So let them pathetic ex wives know that there are boundaries at YOUR home.The complaints filed come in handy if you need to go to court. The children involved are already seeing this crazy behavior from their irrational mother,stand your ground let them know you love them dearly,and adults shouldn't act this way,but the court system is sometimes the only way to settle matters out!!In alot of cases,having NO contact with the ex would be better,even if you have to get a lawyer,I'd make the ex pay for the lawyer,since she's giving everyone a hard time,a judge may order her ass to pay for your lawyer or find her in contempt with evidence of complaints you filed!!! NO ONE HAS TIME FOR JEALOUS EX WIVES WHO CAUSE TROUBLE FOR ALL INVOVED,NOW YOU KNOW WHY I"M ALL SMILES!!!!TAKE CARE AND SMILE!!!! 

Name: nora | Date: Feb 2nd, 2011 7:40 PM
She's jealous at the thought of him getting on in life without her so she uses the one thing that will really hit home. The kids. Very bitter. She shouldn't BASH their dad especially in front of the kids. She may feel that the divorce was a mistake and can't take responsability for her actions so she is projecting HER PROBLEM on to him or anyone who will listen. My husbands ex is a spoiled brat and getting nuttier as time goes on. I think she lives in a plastic bubble that if you try to get any where near her kids, she goes out of her way to get revenge. On the surface she seems normal to those who are aquaintences but, if you are me and my husband, she is one vindictive person. She is so so conniving. She has some people fooled that she is an innocent victim and that people keep doing her wrong. 

Name: Law Clerk | Date: Feb 28th, 2011 5:20 AM

Name: Cindi | Date: Mar 21st, 2011 10:58 PM
Just remember there are always two sides to every story. You didn't live in the house with them. I know my ex when he met a woman he had the kids come over but he ignored them. It got to the point the new lady took up so much time the kids grew apart. This doesn't excuse the ex wife's mean behavior. 

Name: marley | Date: Mar 25th, 2011 5:57 PM
They don't actually come right out and say "Iwant you back" but, it is there. I'm sure it hurts on both sides. The thing is that people have to suck it up and live with it. How is being rude and insulting going to solve anything? Kids side with the mom because they want to protect her. That is natural. She shouldn't teach them to hate hteir dad. A lot of people don't realize that they can have a happy life even after a trumatic event-a divorce, a death in the family, loss of job, etc. There are a lot of sad parts in life but, they need to learn how to get along even though there has been a loss. It takes councilling. You can't blame everybody for your emotional problems and that is what she is doing. Immature. 

Name: Stepmom | Date: Jul 31st, 2011 10:40 PM
Same thing here! My husband's ex threw him away like yesterday's trash 11 years ago but she continued to maintain control over him because of the children. For years she trashed him to the girls (they were very young when they got divorced) and he pretty much did everything she demanded of him in order to keep the peace and stay in her good graces in hopes that she would not turn his daughters against him. When he married me all hell broke loose. I never dreamed that an ex from 11 years ago could have so much influence in my home!! She has never even met me and she hates me!! But the girls are teenagers now and they too have grown tired of her constant drama and bashing of their wonderful father and of me, a woman that she does not even know and a woman that they have grown to love. They recently left her and came to live with their father and me. My advice is to always take the high road and to always find a way to be in the children's life. Eventually the children will be able to think for themselves and they will figure it all out! It is so hard and often quite painful. We did (and continue) to pray alot about this. Our girls are finally happy! We have a great, peaceful, loving family now and the girls finally have the life they deserve. I still pray that they can somehow rebuild their relationship with their mother. I don't understand how she can still be bitter and angry after all these years. I wish she could find the peace and happiness that we have. 

Name: sherry | Date: Aug 25th, 2011 2:23 PM
It's so sad for the kids to be in the middle of their mother's mess. Some women should not have children. It sounds like she is concerned about her own self and the kids activities to excess is a cover up to seek revenge of the imaginary events in her disturbed mind. Very immature people, these types. They need help but would rather be wrotten to the core to other people. This makes them somehow feel powerful. Like a child in the sandbox. It shouldn't happen but, these children in adult bodies get away with it all the time. 

Name: Makenzie72 | Date: Sep 10th, 2011 7:36 PM
It's prob not tht the mother that is causing that to happen in my case I have an 11yrold and a 13 yearold and by their own choice they want nothing to do with the father because of the way he is u can't walk in and out of a Childs life and think when your ready to be a father because ur going to court u can bounce in and out of a Childs or childrens life just because. It will suposively bennefit you to make u look good with court. If a child doesn't want nothing to do with the fathe the mother shld incourage like I have do with mine but you shld not shove him dwn their throat in due time they will come around with counciling.. On the other hand my new husband has adopted my children but they are still allowed to have liberal contact with the bio dad if they choose to. All I have to say hey is hey he doesn't have to pay child support any more and he is happy about tht.. Oh and he hasn't bothered me with court either anymore and it was all cause there was not child support to be paid so imagine tht.. 

Name: shelly | Date: Sep 15th, 2011 2:09 AM
some exs act like the dad is the one who doesn't care. the ex we are discussing is the one who walked out on the family unit and acts like it's all his fault when she's the one who made family life more difficult by just being not there and expecting him to know what's going on when she doesn't even want to tell him what's going on and has the nerve to say he is disrupting things. 

Name: Siah | Date: Oct 12th, 2011 6:20 PM
It makes me feel better, sad - but better, that I am not the only one out there dealing with an e-wife that is manipulative, spiteful, and then super sweet when it suits her needs. I have been with my husband for 3 years, married for 1. His ex-left him after 9 years of marriage. She is a lady who lives well beyond her means and is very high maintenance. Since divorcing my husband she is on husband #2. I have never in my life heard a grown person talk to or act towards anyone the way she acts/talks to people. She makes their daughter's life hell - but his daughter won't come and stay with us because of all the things her mother has told her. I choose to completely ignore her - which really makes her mad, so that there is no more drama - other than what she brings to the table. My husband’s father died and she was worried she would make "someone uncomfortable". So instead of putting more stress on my husband I sent her a text saying that the family would appreciate the support and that she does not and has never made me uncomfortable. That didn't go over well so I just let it go. Since then she has been offering to bake for my husband and gives him veggies from her garden while wanting to "chat” and has been texting and calling my sister in law to try to worm her way back into the family. Fortunately they see right through her and are cordial just like adults should be. I used to make myself sick over the fact that she causes my husband so much stress and makes it so he doesn't see his daughter much anymore, but I refuse to let it come between us. If he wants to see his daughter more, he is a grown man - he can work it out and I will be there to support him. I have a daughter his daughter's age (13) and a son (9). Our lives can't be put on hold or be negatively affected because of what she wants or how she acts. 

Name: sheldene | Date: Jan 27th, 2012 7:41 PM
my boyfriends ex wife has for the passed 3 years every single weeken threatening to commit suicide unless he goes back to her, there were married for 25 years, had no sex in the last 9 years of marriage and neither were happy, this is really draining me, she lives in his house, drives his merc and uses his credit cards, doesnt need to every work, has a full time maid and she is still not hapy 

Name: Sandy | Date: Apr 10th, 2012 3:09 AM
And so we hear the new wife's side of the story. But trust me...I am sure there is much more going on than just your side. You state that the ex wife get angry because she can not control every situation, No...she probably get angry because you feel you have this right to get involved in every situation, try instead of just staying out of the arguments between the ex and your husband, they will come to a truce better that way. There are a lot of ex wives that feel about the same way the new wife feels, that you are the ones that are mean and jealous and you as well want to stir up drama with your remarks. Do you new wives realize how bitter you all sound. 

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