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Name: Jai
[ Original Post ]
I have a feeling that my husband is falling out of love with me. Either that or I have been deceiving myself that he ever did love me all these years. We have been married for 13 years. I quit my job this year - my husband wanted me too as well- he is unable and unwilling to pitch in with household chores and taking care of the children so I thought it would help alleviate some of my stress. I didn't love my job so it wasn't like I was leaving something that fulfilled me. My life revolves around his needs and the needs of our children. I don't like being reliant upon him for emotional or financial support because I feel it leaves me in a vulnerable position. He doesn't seem interested in what I like, what I want, or how I feel. As long as I am meeting his needs that seems to be enough for him. I have tried to have a few conversations with him about my needs but it leaves me feeling more miserable than if I pretended everything was fine. I have been considering asking for a separation off and on for a couple of years now. I don't want to hurt the kids and I feel like if I wanted a break that everyone would think I was an idiot because he doesn't abuse me and he does a good job of providing for our family. But I feel like I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't passionately care about me. Does anyone else have this problem?
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Name: Serina S | Date: Aug 24th, 2006 2:09 PM
Could you start doing romanic things ...nothing big but like put him a not on the bathroom mirror saying that you love and appreciat his hard wok. Wait a day or 2 and put a note in his wallet mail him a laove letter . Start slow then slowly get more romanic withthem. Guys need to feel appreciated and loved too. I call my hubbie and leave him a message at work and just growle amd say hi sexy. He told me that it makes his day.
So what be the one to start the romance it may not happen all at onece but please try this . I do know it works!!! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 24th, 2006 3:23 PM
What you need to do is ask him point blank if he still loves you and still wants to be married to you. Tell him from your point of view,it doesn't seem like he has any interest in you anymore and hasn't for quite some time. Tell him this makes you feel unloved and uneasy and ask him if he would want the two of you to work on improving your relationship or if he is really no longer in love with you but still with you for kids and habit only and see what he says and go from there. 

Name: Jasmine | Date: Aug 30th, 2006 4:12 AM
YES!!! I feel the same way. It is torture to be married to an uninterested bastard whose contribution to the marriage is emotional neglect. That is a valid form of abuse, We all need love and nurturing and if not from our husbands than from who? I also don't know what to do - I have 4 small kids and am considering divorce (but I am terrified to do it). Will my future be even worse as a single mom? Or could it get worse than it is now? And what about the kids? Is it worse for them to suffer through the trauma and stigma of divorce, or to be captive to an unhappily intact family life? Seems I have more questions for you than answers, but just know someone else on the planet is going through the same thing! 

Name: Afterthought | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 7:14 AM
I'm in the same boat, but my husband is not a bastard like Jasmine said. He is a good man, who is caring and a good father. I tell myself that he just doesn't show his affection and that because he is 10 years older than me, his interest in sex is lower. Of course, then I found out that he does enjoy masturbating... So, now I have to face the fact that he's interested in sex, just not with me. Its completely devestating. You should see how is face lights up around pretty girls. I would do anything to be the pretty girl. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 4:29 PM
To Afterthought, I think guys masturbate with their wives in the same house only because they are too lazy to get their wives in the same mood they are already in,it's too much effort on their part so instead they just do it quickly themselves.His face may "light up" when he sees pretty girls but I highly doubt the feeling's mutual so don't work yourself up over it. And as for you wanting to be the "pretty one" goes,you're already there! You're husband "picked" you to be his wife,not anyone else! Be happy about that! If you want to feel more beautiful then go have your hair done and buy a new outfit and have yourself all made up,you'll feel so good about yourself it won't matter so much what anyone else thinks! 

Name: [email protected] | Date: Sep 6th, 2006 7:19 AM
You are totally singing my story.............EXACTLY please write me back 

Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 1:02 PM
Yes, I dealt with this similiar problem and I ended up divorcing. My ex didn't want me to work, he wanted me to be completely dependant on him so I would be stuck in my environment. However, I ended up working as a waitress at night for extra income and just to get out of the house. Well, he tried to ruin that idea by making things worse around the house. Finally, I just couldn't take is immature behavior any longer. He would accuse me of cheating, call me names and blame everything that went wrong on me. Funny though, he still does!!! He's never going to change. My ex felt just because he was the major bread winner, he had the idea he thought he could treat me the way he wanted. I felt like I was dying inside. Finally, I made the decision to leave after he put some bruises on me. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I have no regrets in leaving and I was able to find myself again. You can too if you decide to make that decision. However, first, I would put all the cards on the table and explain to your husband just how you feel. If he isn't willing to make any changes what so ever then you need to think about your next steps. Before you do, I would try to prepare yourself financially. It would be a struggle in the beginning if you left him. But you need to ask him exactly why he loves you. Put him on the spot with some serious questions. You could even try to plan some romantic evenings or do some special things for him to engage him to talk with you. I don't know if my suggestions have helped but I wish you well. 

Name: k | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 10:38 PM
dump the sob 

Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Sep 8th, 2006 12:57 AM
Be more sexy with him. Sex is the key to mens heart ;-)
yeah baby! 

Name: Ellie | Date: Aug 1st, 2007 2:31 AM
I feel for you beacause I am going thru same things-married 8 yrs. but thankfully no kids so it would be an easier break. I have felt emotional/intimacy/sex starved for the last 7 yrs. Thinking back I think he was just in love with me the 1st year. He has actually told me he doesn't think of me as more than just a friend. He has no intimacy urges. I don't mean just sex but really no desire to kiss me besides a quick peck or hug only when I ask. I'm about ready to leave but I keep hanging on to the vows we made & he is trying to get some counseling to see "if his feelings come back for me"as he says. I feel like I'm living with my brother. I tell him I'd rather be alone & lonely than being right next to him and lonely all the time. 

Name: irish Amy | Date: Aug 1st, 2007 1:42 PM
ellie, you need to start living a life, you are entitled to so much more, rejection is not the most pleasant feeling in the world as i know, you need to concentrate on you and your confidence will come back 

Name: Megan | Date: Aug 17th, 2007 1:44 AM
I am in a similar situation as you Ellie. My husband of 4 years says he doesn't think he is in love with me anymore. But he is still attracted to me. He says he loves me but he might not be in love with me. He told me today that he doesn't think his feelings are going to change. We decided to separate today. I am devasted we have been together for 8 years living together for 7 and married for 4. we don't have any kids (2 miscarriages). I want this to work but now I am afraid that this is it. its over. he agreed to go to counselling but I don't know if it will work. HELP! 

Name: Lauri | Date: Sep 22nd, 2007 12:11 PM
Hi there,

I have the same problem you are having. I just found out my husband is having an emotional affair with some girl via cell phone. He has called her 246 to date and he just told me this morning that he needs counseling and that he needs to find a way to fall in love with me again. He is the one who cheated and he need to fall in love with me again. WHAT!!!!!

We have also been married for 13 years and have two daughters 4, and 7. I am a stay at home mom and make no money of my own and I think thats what makes me want this to work out. Do you think your husband could be having an affair?


Name: fawza | Date: Sep 25th, 2007 11:42 AM

Name: ne | Date: Sep 30th, 2007 2:49 AM
strangely enough my darling husband who has always been so in love with me seems to be the same way..my kids are 8 and 5 and we have a loving little family but i feel like he's dissapointed that I'm not more than the mother of our kids..he travels alot and i feel like my hands are tied as far as working is concerned..I just want to feel his love like when we were first together and he worshiped me..I guess i just want to e adored and to adore back..is that too much to ask ??What have I done wrong ..becomeing a mother?? 

Name: Seanna | Date: Oct 14th, 2007 7:47 PM
I feel the exact same way - I am a SAHM right now dabbling in the job I loved and still do - photojouralism - and I tried working full time but found the stress and lack of involvement with the kids not worth it. I love being at home and I do know in my mind that it is very important, a valuable investment in the well being of my kids, and that I won't regret it as I can always work FT later but I do struggle with the feeling of being a servant and not getting my turn even when I want it. I too have poured my heart out to my husband, who does provide well like yours, but it's like he sits and listens and then goes on with life as usual. I too feel even more abandoned and depressed after these talks because it's like I'm reaching out for help and he isn't responding. It's a feeling of rejection and helplessness. Most of the time its fine, he does little thoughtful things occasionally, but it's like he doesn't even realize how much of our family duties he defers to me. On good days I just take control and make plans - either the family vacations or just getting a babysitter so I can go out. If I don't make an effort to do something out of the daily routine or to even get out to eat with him it would never happen. We used to do things together that we just don't do and the things I thought we had in common he doesn't seem to do anymore. One thing I do know is that life won't be easier apart and that another guy comes with his own set of issues. I think I try to tell myself that I can't rely on him to fulfill my needs in the way that I'd like, that I am full of my own flaws and that having a young family is a temporary time when both parents can be just emotionally spent and put each other on hold. What did help was continuing in some part-time work that I enjoy, that gets me out and interacting with others and helps me get a little perspective - not to mention the security of a little nest egg of my own. It is still incredibly hard some days but I think that being the mom with incredibly demanding physically and emotionally and maybe no man can help meet our needs the way we think they should. The best thing is to seek out a group of women who are supportive of you (and not negative toward your husband) and to remember that life changes drastically when the kids grow - which really isn't that far off. My sister, whose kids are teenagers, now has more time than she knows what to do with and gets to 'date' her hubby again after two near-divorces. My husband is very shortsighted and I like to dream big and make things happen. Sometime that makes me desperate, feeling trapped at home and as if life is passing me by. Sometimes I dread that I am the one who has to plan everything just to get a night out to dinner (he doesn't know how to call a babysitter)
I don't know what the answer is but it is nice to know I am not alone. I do think that men just may, once comfortably in a relationship, not really know how to show us how they care. My friend says they are just selfish. Maybe there's something to that ! :-) Hang in there!! 

Name: Penny | Date: Oct 21st, 2007 3:43 AM
how can i tell if my husband has fallen out of love with me? 

Name: me too | Date: Oct 26th, 2007 5:06 PM
I know how you feel. There is nothing worse than feeling lonley while your husband is right in the same room. I would rather be alone and feel lonley. 

Name: louise | Date: Oct 27th, 2007 7:25 PM

Name: louise | Date: Oct 27th, 2007 7:27 PM
my husband doesn't satisfied me sexualy 

Name: soldout | Date: Nov 16th, 2007 6:44 PM
when my husband asked for a divorce, he told me he had fell out of love. that was really hard to swallow because i didn't know that he could do such a thing. all this time i thought i had been the perfect wife to him and the good mother to our kids. yes, we had our problems but i thought we were the "perfect" couple especially because alot of people told me they thought we were doing good. that is he hardest thing for me right now, he has left and come back about 5 times and i let him because i do love him, but i know deep in my heart that he is still not with me just when he wants to. we have good sex! almost everyday so i feel he is trying to get the feeling back for me but there is another person involved that he cannot let go of. she may not give him the sex so he uses me. i don't know if he is using me, because he has done things with me and does take me out once in awhile but the love i want is not always there. i want him to call me for lunch or just call me once in awhile to see what i am doing but he doesn't. i only see him for a couple of hours and he goes back to his 2nd job. so we have little communication. he does hug me and sometimes kisses me so i do feel it sometimes but if it is real i don't know. 

Name: barry | Date: Nov 26th, 2007 9:18 PM
i think u should count your losses and leave 

Name: paula | Date: Dec 10th, 2007 9:48 AM
Yes, my husband and i separated in April this year with have two children. He says he fell out of love with me and we drifted apart. I still love him we still spend a lot of time together weekends etc. there is nothing physical between us although I wish there was. He says he can not totally break away from me as we have been married for 16 years and together for twenty years. He is a great dad and still very caring, but it hurts like hell being apart. He still cuddles me when I am upset and kisses me goodbye when he goes home. Please think seriously before splitting up, it is so hard 

Name: celestine | Date: Dec 11th, 2007 5:33 AM
Is it Julien Henley, Manager at Bernard K. Passman Galleries on 5195 Dronningens Gade Ste. #2 on St. Thomas? Itís because he is seeing Brenda Fahie (now Brenda Abraham) and that has been going on for decades. She even left her husband for him so that is why he wants outÖ.LOL! 

Name: cg | Date: Jan 10th, 2008 9:39 PM
yes i do. have this problem.. but mine is alil different you see my husband of three years tells me he dont love me and that he would be better off if he moved out. he hits and cusses me all the time. yes i know this is my fault for staying but you see i have already ben through one marriage just like this now you tell me what are the odds of me finding two wrong men? Its me and i diont know what to do or what to change. he breaks things all the time no matter what i do im wrong i stay nervous and i shake all over all the time. as stupid as this sounds he can be so good to me at times. i mostly feel sorry for myself i think this may be my problem because i want him to just like me if he would. i miss him so bad and here i go again making it all about me. My suggestion to you is if he is good to you talk to him make your marriage work because it is lonely out here by yourself. and i wouldnt wish this on anyone. im sorry i went on about myself instead of helpong you the best i could..... 

Name: julie | Date: Jan 13th, 2008 5:08 PM
yes i do i have been married for 22 years and have 4 children and 3 grandkids i am 41 and am so lonely the thing i hate is how i have lied to my self all off these years and have told my self he does love me but i know he doesnt really 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 18th, 2008 5:44 AM
Married 13 years, husband not "in love with me" but is trying to get it back. He says he has been feeling like this for 2 years. We have three kids and I thought we were happy. How long do I let him get "it" back. I am hurting so bad and am having a hard time functioning in my everyday life. What do I do? 

Name: What | Date: Jan 18th, 2008 5:49 PM
Jen M, why is your husband not in love with you? Are you telling us the real story here - why not tell us what went on? When you do then we can provide some suggestions.

Sorry for being so hard on you but women these days are just to bad and they make some good men turn bad. Think about it. 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 18th, 2008 6:13 PM
He says I did nothing. We have grown apart emotionally because our life has been so busy. I have become independant in handling things and making decisions because he in working so much. He feels that he has been negelcted but hasn't talked to me about it because he didn't want me to get upset. He finalley brought it to me 2 years later and now we are struggling to get his feelings for me back. He is a great man and he hasn't turned bad, he just doesn't feel good about our marriage and it breaks my heart. We have three kiddos and I can't bear the thought of putting them through this. I would have never in a million years thought this would be us. Have been together 17 years and married 13. Help!!! 

Name: debbie | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 12:12 AM
omg i have felt the same for a year or so but the other day my hubby dropped a bomb on me...he said he has fallen out of love with me and wants to seperate. im a mess i now realise how much i do love him and very scared on whats going to happen. i am confused as i thought it was just me that had uncertaintys now feel stupid and wander how long he has been feeling like this. 

Name: daphine | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 12:19 AM
if you have just been told that your husband does not love you anymore....but you love him very much what do you do....how can i get him to love me again 

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