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Name: Me | Date: Nov 18th, 2009 1:11 AM
I just wanted to let you know I am in the same situation. I left my job in June and feel like the kids are my life and thats it... He never really say's or does anything nice and that makes me feel like he no longer cares for me. 

Name: RastaMamma | Date: Dec 19th, 2009 3:56 PM
Yes, I feel your pain 100%. I sit here crying now feeling exaclty what you have just described. Different circumstances, but the end feelings are still the same. I just recently asked my husband did he feel we should seperated and with no real emotion he said NO! But I of course do no believe him. I thought I was alone with the pretending. I feel like I'd rather pretend all was good then to be miserable, but at the same time hate the fact that for him he feels like we are moving past it, when all Im doing is letting fester in my heart. And truthfully it makes me angry that he thins that! I wish you the best in your life and all you do.... 

Name: juli | Date: Jan 7th, 2010 9:56 AM
yh i am also in the same life even more pathetic.All i can say as what i am doing is just adjust as long as u can and then leave him. I am moving out of him though he don't wants it but can't live with an man who just plays with my emotions and makes me fool 

Name: I knwo how you feel... | Date: Jan 21st, 2010 1:32 AM
I would sit him down, and actually ask him to listen because you have something very important to say. Ask him if he still loves you and if he cares or not? Then if have a long discussion about how you can fix all the problems and get back to how it was 13 years ago! ;) good luck! 

Name: mercy | Date: Jan 29th, 2010 3:44 PM
im on the same boat. i was so hurt during those times that he was telling on me to his mother , things that surprised me a lot. all my hard work that i had hoped to received a compliment, he told his mom the irony of it. and one thing i can,t forget, even telling her that i spent all his money and leaving him nothing....tssk.... i looked at my self and my tears fell,,,,,,asking my self''''WHAT DO I POSSIBLY HAVE THAT WILL REFLECT TRUENESS IN WHAT HE SAID? I have 3 kids to supply upon with, him being the 4th. I was actually the mother of 4 and never a wife of one. I thought of retaliating in front of his mom by saying things about him, but i felt that im about to eat my tongue for it wont come out to spill it. I cant do it, I chose to kept it in me as what i normally do, been successful for 13 years. but in time, my chest' started to complain. It felt the heaviness of it's load....maybe im starting to give up,my mind heart is telling me "HE FALL OUT OF love ON ME" but my mind interprets "MAYBE HE'S JUST THAT COLD, thats the way they were raised!"...anyhow, im feeling the hurt and rationalizing with it doesnt help.maybe im ending it, for it looks like it is his like........ 

Name: marianne | Date: Feb 5th, 2010 5:20 AM
omggg our husband s are twins ,same here i cant get him to talk to me , he never helps out with hiuse chores or the kids, i have 3 girls 2 from another marriage and my 15 year is pregnant, he is catholic and dont believe in abortions but neither do i really, i have a job at the liqour mart its a good job its government but i want to quit i cant handle doing everything, and now with the stress with my teen preg ,he wont even talk to me about it, hes a great provider and i say the same thing i want to leave ,if i say its balck hes say its white we have nothing in common , his family hates me and my kids but loves ours and hes ok with that he dont hurt me but he does verbal abuse alot i think i should i be gone 

Name: chelsea | Date: Mar 19th, 2010 1:55 AM
yes i am not married but i am engaged and live with my fiance and we have a baby. we are still intimate and kinda talk but it seems like he isnt interested in anything im interested in at all anymore, he doesnt call me as often, he doesnt take me out at all, i feel miserable and we arent even married yet it's depressing 

Name: T | Date: Mar 29th, 2010 2:43 PM
Similar situation; after only 1 yr of marriage, I had a double mastectomy done. Now I am frequently catching my husband on porn sites and being sneaky often. I don't want to continue living with him "looking around" at others just due to my "looks". Before, I was his everything. Now...not sure i'm anything. Not sure who to turn to. Its well past any insecurities I have. He sneaks out of bed; goes to computer...and makes me wonder all the time what "else" he's doing. Doesn't seem fair to me not to be enough anymore. Feel like this was based on good looks; and now what.....? 

Name: Michelle Butler | Date: Apr 3rd, 2010 6:15 PM
Really?! Why do we put up with this from them?! We are made to carry it all and sacrafice our bodies, our souls, hobbies, joys, careers and everything else so our husbands can do what they want persue what they want and live a life only to say later on that "they are out of love with us". Love is a conscience CHOICE not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting and temporary. Choices are forever. Do not ever let a man forget who sits on the throne and its not him 

Name: andrea | Date: May 2nd, 2010 7:08 AM
I don't mean to sound mean or selfish but i feel better knowing i'm not the only one going through this. i have been married for 6 years. the past 2 years have been hell. He forgets me on my birthdays and all other important holidays. No gift no kiss no nothing. We have talks but he says it's all in my head. 

Name: kate | Date: May 3rd, 2010 8:55 PM

Name: Shellie | Date: May 9th, 2010 1:30 AM
I read through so many of these replies..... I realize this thread is very old, but I still see it's active. I am not married, my fiance and I have been together for more than 5 years, and we were to be married this year. We have been through a lot in our time together, and I love him very much. Last weekend he said he needed a break and decided to stay at his mother's house. We talked and texted through the week, but it was always him telling me I needed a plan, needed a plan. I am SAHM, he works very hard for all of us. I have two kids from a previous relationship and we have one together. He has been around so long that he is like a father to my other children as well. I refused to talk of making plans to move out or anything of the sort. I wasnt ready for that. I was heartbroken and lost. Well this past Thursday he called me at 630am and asked to let him in I did and he came in all tears and emotional asking me to take him back, that he was wrong, he loved me, and he was sorry. I asked him if he was sure. He said yes. He said hell never hurt me again, Said that he didnt give out relationship a fair chance. I was so happy. SO happy. Now here it is Saturday night, two days later and hes gone again, He said he feels nothing for me anymore. That he loves me, but isnt in love with me. That he is unhappy and doesnt know what he thought would happen by coming home. He said he thought that things would return to normal, but they didnt for him. I am devastated once again. He shattered everything for me last weekend and Thursday came back so I started picking up the pieces, and now hes gone and broken everything again. He wants me to understand, but I dont. We were to be together forever. I love him, so so much. Im still in love with him as well. Things werent going well lately for us, but I wanted to get help. Now Im too late. I know I messed up things in the past, I know I was bitchy, but I was unhappy too. I just want to work and be happy again. My heart is breaking so bad right now. I dont know how Im going to function. I dont know what I will do. Hes been gone 3 hours and I miss him so much. He said he doesnt think the love he had for me will ever be there again. I dont even know why Im typing this, Im just so confused, so lost..... 

Name: ann marie | Date: May 9th, 2010 2:18 AM
I dont think u should jump the gun by
saying that he is falling out of love with you. Some men are just naturally self centered
and get married because they want someone to do all the work . I have a husband like that, and i also have a
teenage son. I blame my in-laws for
raising such a self -centered person
who just cant think out of the box. I used
to take it personally, but now i dont care.
i dont love him, i am just in it until
my youngest who is 10 is 18.
hang in there- find freinds and other
outlets for dealing with that type of
personality. good luck 

Name: jess | Date: May 11th, 2010 10:22 AM
I'm not married but i have lived with my fiance for 4 years and we are only 21 and supposed to be wed next year. Only thing is, he is the perfect man when we go away and when he has time off but all the other times he is so cold and doesnt even want to speak to me, its like living with a ghost. I have asked him why and ended up crying many times and he says he is numb to me crying and shows no compassion, I am so in love and he is the only one in my life that i have ever been able to depend on and now im wondering, as i sit crying again all night while he is sleeping, should i marry him or should i wait longer and make sure we can really last? 

Name: Gina | Date: May 17th, 2010 6:42 PM
How can you tell if you are growning apart from your partner??? 

Name: wheezy | Date: May 18th, 2010 2:59 PM
Yes! My husband says he needs to move out temporily after 29 yrs of marriage. I'm going to give him his spaceand we have agreed that it is not the end. Just time to find himself. Our kids our grown and it is still hard becuase as adults they understand it better which isn't easy. Were not fighters beaters or any of that but man theres people out there who are like this and I for the life of me can't figure why we have to go through this and not them.Pray, pray and pray goog luck and god bless 

Name: JAMIE | Date: Jun 10th, 2010 1:54 PM

Name: sue | Date: Jul 2nd, 2010 11:20 PM
leave him for yourself and kids 

Name: beth | Date: Jul 6th, 2010 2:36 PM
I hear ya. Sounds like we have a lot in common. I've been married 9yrs, my hubby is an amazing man. He provides well for us & tells me I'm the only one. But when I express my insecurities about our relationship, I feel like I'm not enough sexually, I too end up feeling worse then if I'd just stayed quiet. I recently found texts, from a female friend, that made me really wander if he's being unfaithful. I confronted him right after I found them. He says she's an old friend that lives in another state, & I was reading too much into somethin innocent. He has since deleted this friend from his contacts. For my benifit of course. Only 3 days later I found yet more texts that seem quite incriminating. No name just a number. Again I confronted him right away. I'd rather know a hard truth then live a lie. He says he has no idea who this person is or what they're talking about. I love my husband like crazy! I even think I could forgive him for one indiscretion. But if he is lying to me. Well that's the part that kills me. Good luck to you my friend be strong. I shall light a candle for you. Will you do the same for me? 

Name: Ash | Date: Jul 16th, 2010 7:32 AM

Name: jm | Date: Aug 2nd, 2010 6:01 AM
Yes i do have this problem, Only difference is My Husband of 30 years told me he does not love me and is in love with my sister...So I do know how you feel, He says there has been nothing between them and I find this very hard to believe,He also says she don't even know he loves her..
she is single and lives with a man that is a dead beat and my husband says he feels sorry for her, He gets mad if I say anything negitive about her.She constantly is needing something from him and I finally said no more.I don't know what I'm going to do as of now, he don't want me to leave but I don't know what elese to do.I can't live with someone that don't love me and for sure when he loves someone elese when its my sister!
I can relate to you, When you love someone its hard to walk away no matter what they have done, But sometimes Love just ain't enough.And in my case its not.I wish I hated him and I'm sure I will soon enough...Only thing I am also mad at her even though he says she don't know.I'm thinking of just moving out of town and getting away from them both and trying to rebuild my life.I do wish you the very best of luck and I will be praying for you as well. 

Name: Lost in Arizona | Date: Aug 28th, 2010 7:55 PM
Yes, I have much the same problem. I wish I had some advice to make you feel better or more secure, but I myself and looking for many of the same answers you are. I have this very strong, almost overwhelming feeling that my husband (we've been married for 25 years) doesn't love me, not in a true sense, anyway, and that he only stays with me because he feels he has an obligation to do so and because leaving would make him look like a bad person. However, much like yourself, I would do anything to make him happy, and have told him several times, flat out, that if he is staying because he feels obligated to and foro no other reason, then he his not doing either of us, or our children, any favors by staying in a relatiohship in which both of us are unhappy. I truly want him to be happy and if that means leaving to be with the woman he really wants to be with, then he should do that. If at some point he learns that she is not really what he had thought or hoped, well, I have to say, it will be too late to come back to me, because I absolutely will not allow myself to be placed back into a hurtful situation again when he returns because the grass wasn't really greener. After all, his return would not be because he truly loved me now more than before, but only because he had nowhere else to go, at least not at the present time. Anyway, I have decided to go to counseling for myself, and while I've asked him several times to go with me, he refused, which is only one of many things that makes me conviced he doesn't care or love me enough to try to make this marriage work or even to make me feel more secure in our relationship. I have gotten to the point where I have seriously considered suicide, believing in my heart that that is the only way I can set him free and allow him to live his life without feeling obligated to me in any way. Hence, my decision to seek counseling. Obviously, this is not normal thinking and I clearly need help in coping and working this out. But I can empathize with all that you are saying and I know how overwhelmingly sad a woman can be living every day believing in her heart that the man she loves doesn't truly love her back. Perhaps you should also speak to a counselor. Maybe you'll have better luck than me, and your husband will actually accompany you and participate in the process of healing your relationship. Mine clearly will not. I wish you happiness and success. 

Name: marlene | Date: Aug 31st, 2010 7:49 AM
my husband came back from the war in time its goten worse and worst now to the point he wont even touch me im so hurt i want to leave he is verbally abusive i dont think hes in love no more hes alwyas home i know it not an affair at this point but i need an answer i too feel the gulit of breaking the father from the kids i need help 

Name: nikki | Date: Oct 4th, 2010 8:13 AM
your in a better position than me, i spose after 13 years its easy to forget why that persons so special, but maybe you could try writing a letter, he probably doesnt realise how serious you feel about these thing. me on the other hand, its my second wedding anniversary today, i just dont feel special at all, i convinced myself i was going to just get thru the day, even our first one wasnt good, i cnt even remember it, we probably did nothing... my husband has never bought me anything, its not so much the buying that bother me, its the thoughtfulness...even my birthday went by recently and he did nothing, and said it was just another day, infact i felt stupid for being botherd by it. so now its our 2yr wedding anniversary, i feel like im waiting for him to disapoint me, sometimes i feel relieved that he hasnt botherd because it just confirms he doesnt love me! we are from 2 different cultures....so i dont know if thats the problem, anyways im just going to get through today, 13 years is a long time, so u must be strong, we are barely managing 2 years.... but hes never botherd, says its because of money but i dnt care about that, u can buy flowers for next to nothing, make something. oh well good luck to you, i feel like a failure 

Name: Kathy | Date: Oct 6th, 2010 2:44 PM
I don't know what you should do about your situation because I am in a similar one. My husband just does not care for me. He does not work consistently so he is not a constant contributor to our home. When he does get money, he only buys what we need for the house and the rest of money is for himself. Forget about other things that we would probably want. He is always concerned with number 1. When we go out with my family he is easy to get along withand he doesn't hide his lack of concern for me. My family thinks that he is fun while I am just a pain because I don't engage in gossip about family members. They love him! My birthday passed recently and he didn't even tell me happy birthday even though our son said it. I think he's just pretending along until he gets in a better job position where he is stable then he will move along. This has been going on even before I was pregnant. I really do hope that he gets interested in someone else and becomes their burden. I can't deal with him anymore. I even think that he has cheated on me a couple of times. This has been going on for eight long years. I just want it to be over. My only consolation is my children 

Name: Pam D | Date: Oct 13th, 2010 1:06 AM
I've been feeling the same way lately about my husband-he is increasingly critical and negative about everything I do. I've been wandering around in shell shock the last few days as the reality of what is happening to us is setting in. We have 2 children together, the youngest is 5 months old. I work full time as does he but it's my job to do the laundry, keep up with the bills, clean the house (which is rather large) etc. There is no hired help except for the yard crew that does "his chores". He makes more than twice what I do but we have separate accounts and the ratio at which we split bills is not relative to who makes what more 50/50 split but yet I'm on the hook for all the groceries (for a family of 5) including diapers and formula. So I am by no means spoiled financially yet he accuses me of taking advantage of him in that way. Yesterday he got angry and in the process of our argument called me lazy and basically said my contribution to this family was of no real value. I have 3 children to tend to in addition to a job that keeps me away from home for 60 hrs per week and I rarely sit down except when feedng the baby-I'm so angry with what he said and how he perceives me as a wife and mother. If he loved me how could he say that? It's not the first time and I'm sure not the last. I really am scared of what lies ahead. 

Name: Deb | Date: Oct 13th, 2010 3:19 AM
My husband has been acting different lately and when I finally confronted him about his odd behavior, he told me he still loved and cared for me, but isn't in love with me. I am devastated. I have spiraled into a depression and can't seem to get a grip on it. I love him so much and this is killing me and he knows it, but yet I don't see him trying to work on our relationship. I am not sure if it over,... we have been married 11 1/12 years now. I am a total loss and am paralyzed. If something doesn't improve soon,... I am not sure what I will do,... 

Name: Jessica | Date: Oct 21st, 2010 7:54 PM
I'm actually in the same boat! Hurting really badly these days. My husband and I have been married for over 13 years and he is very noncommunicative towards me. He will come home from work say hello and lock himself in the bedroom to either nap or watch t.v in there. This past summer he had an emotional affair with his ex and I found pictures of her vagina on his cellphone! He admitted he was wrong and promised not to communicate with her anymore however just recently I found a text message from her with a cartoon pic she emailed to him! I feel like I am living with a stranger. I just don't know him anymore. We are going to our first marriage counseling meeting this Saturday but I tell you this needs to be the last straw. I am so emotionally hurt. 

Name: lis | Date: Nov 9th, 2010 8:38 PM
yes, i know what you feel. some days i want to leave and some days i want it to work, and i stay.. only to be dissapointed again and again. some how i want him to love me again. 

Name: Me | Date: Nov 26th, 2010 9:12 PM
Yes, totally understand. My husband and i have had talks about our relationship and all he ever says is i just dont show it like you do.. thats it. But unfortunately there is more. There is no intemacy, perhaps once a month if im lucky, yes we have a 3 yr old child and one on the way and now things are worse than ever. 

Name: gillian | Date: Dec 7th, 2010 1:06 AM
yeah hun i feel de same me n hubby have 2kids been together 5yrs been married 2yrs and he just moody all the time laughs with his m8s and not me he dont hug n kiss unless i do just dont know what to do eaither 

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