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Name: daphine | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 12:19 AM
if you have just been told that your husband does not love you anymore....but you love him very much what do you do....how can i get him to love me again 

Name: Helen | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 12:33 AM
I am in your same shoes. My husband travels for work, and he has been traveling since we met, so this is nothing new. But after a couple of years into the marriage he just stopped communicating while traveling. I will always do the calling to check on him see how things were going etc.. but I started to get no reply to my calls, emails, txt messages etc. There was always an excuse, either he was busy, too tired, sleeping, the phone battery died, any excuse you could imagine I got it. When I bring divorce as an option, he does not fights back and says that it is fine for him. During this last trip, I decided I was not going to call him again, just to see if he would bother to call me. He did for a couple of days, but it will be very brief, or he will txt message me to let me know he was going out to eat, and call me later but never call me. Right now I am fedup with the situatin, I have cried a lot about the issue and stil can't believer that the love is gone on is end. But it appears it is, I'm waiting for him to come home and see how things go and if he shows any type of affection other than sex appetite ( which I am not planning on fullfiling) unless he shows real love and atttention for my needs. I have a feeling a separation is coming, and already started to make up my mind and look at my finances separately to take off. My advice for you, is do not let anyone walk over your self steem, don't ever let the relationship get so uneven because that is when men take you for granted. I feel I have learnt my lesson possibly too late, but I will still leave with my head up no matter how much I love him. Good luck! 

Name: jenna | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 1:26 AM
i am going through a similar thing right now and it is breaking my heart. I look around and i know things are perfect but in my heart i know we have grown apart. He told me this past New Years eve he wasn't sure he wanted to be married. Then teh next day apolozied and said he would try. Nothing has changed and each day it just gets worse. He is not a bad guy either but you deserve to be loved and enjoy life 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 7:44 PM
Debbie, I know just how you are feeling. I feel really stupid that I didn't see this coming. I feel unattractive, I know I am battling depression. I feel like I am just waiting for him to make up his mind. I know he doesn't want o leave because of the kids and I know if it wasn't for them, he wold be gone by now. How do we make it through this in onw peice? I am so tired of being sad and hurt. I am normally a very strong and confident person, this has made me weak and turned my life upside down. I am even having a hard time maintaining my friendships and I am focusing what energy I have on my kids. I just want to move forward but I need him to decide what he wants. Any recommendations are appreciated. I do love him. He is a great person. I want to be with my husband forever. 

Name: C. | Date: Jan 22nd, 2008 11:05 PM
Jenna/Jen/Debbie: All of your messages sound all too familiar. I've been together with my husband for over 10 years, married nearly 8 with a 3 year old son. I've always considered us to have a very good marriage, and he would always tell me how much he loves me and what a great marriage we have. Then, it blew up. In September my usually kind husband started being a bit cold and argumentative and it became worse in October. I had gone to him several times asking if everything was ok, if he would like to talk about anything, and his reply was that we were fine, we were forever and that married couples sometimes are snippy with one another - no big deal. Then in late October when I approached him again after he was being snippy, he told me that he wanted to want to work things out, but didn't know that he did. I was shocked. Certain signs (actually many signs) indicated an affair, but he denied that saying that he only had a friend who was giving him relationship advice (believeable, right). Then when I caught him in another lie he said that he didn't want to be married and I asked him to leave. That was one week before Christmas. He asked to come home the next day, and I said no because I knew it would be shortlived, and it was. By the third day in a hotel, he didn't want to come home. We started marriage counseling, and he participated during the sessions, but really was very evasive and didn't really want to do any of the homework. After being gone over three weeks (during the holidays) he came home but now says he felt he came home too soon. He said that he knew I would take action and he wasn't ready for divorce. So he is home and wants all the benefits of marriage, but he refuses to wear his wedding ring because he doesn't have the feeling yet (I believe he isn't wearing it because he very likely told someone that he is only home for his child and that he sleeps in the guest room which isn't true), hasn't unpacked a suitcase yet, but rather left it on the floor in the master bedroom, and continues to hide his cell phone and no longer tells me he loves me. Then on Sunday, he said that he loves me, that I'm beautiful and great, but that he isn't sure he's in love with me. He has hinted at separation, and I told him that he didn't marry that kind of girl. I just can't go through waiting for him to come back to me and our son again, and I can't just say that it's okay for him to go out and have a 6 month fling and then let me know if he wants to home or not. For me, it's two feet in and working on it (which is lonier than I ever dreamed) or it's divorce. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have enough guts to cut the cord myself because I can't bear to be the person who initiates my child's heartache. So I stay here, hoping he will get his act together and realize that our family is the most important thing, or he will come home one day to tell me he is leaving. You aren't alone, but I know all too well that it feels that way. 

Name: Jodie | Date: Jan 22nd, 2008 11:07 PM
What did you do? 

Name: C | Date: Jan 23rd, 2008 12:04 AM
Right now, I am trying to exercise patience. I really don't think that there is much more I can do at this point, and begging him to love me isn't going to do it. I've learned not to initiate conversations about our marriage because all it ends up doing is hurting me. So, I'm playing the role of the good wife, and trying everything I can to not get caught up in the emotional turmoil he dishes out. When he does something insensitive to me or emotionally neglects me, I add it to the running list of games I believe he is playing and try to detatch myself that way. And when it seems that I can't take another minute, I look at my son and know that my decision to stop the madness means he will experience significant pain, and will experience heartaches throughout his life as a result of divorce. That is where I find the strength to take another day of the nonsense. But in truth, it is really hard to stay and take more - this has certainly taken a toll on my self esteem. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 23rd, 2008 3:23 PM
C, is that so? I feel your pain but women are just as at fault for things going wrong and of course you would like us to hear and take your side, but as they say there are two sides to your story. Is it possible to have your hubby came on here and give his side? 

Name: C | Date: Jan 23rd, 2008 4:13 PM
John: I agree that there are two sides to every story, but having my husband respond is not an option. I've tried to speak to my husband about what has happened, but unfortunately, he is quite evasive. He told our counselor that we had a great marriage before all of this. He said that he got angry at me one night about something I said, but he can't remember what it was. He said he internalized his anger, and then started being snippy with me and I also was snippy back. He said that this wasn't constant, and there were no huge arguments or anything like that, just more of a distance for about a month. Then he started getting "relationship advice" from a secret friend.... and shortly thereafter wasn't sure he wanted things to work. One day in November after an intimate moment, he told me that had considered having an affair, but then quickly said that there was no one in particular which didn't ring quite right. And as I looked more at the situation, the signs of an affair are numerous, but he denies it. My guess is that he is emotionally attached to someone else. I will be the first to admit that I'm not perfect, but I have been very loyal to my husband and very committed to our relationship. We all know that the excitement of a new relationship can be extremely euphoric, and I believe that is, at least in part, what is happening here. He said he quit communicating with the secret friend, and maybe that's true - I can't be sure, but it's likely that he still has feelings for her. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 23rd, 2008 8:52 PM
Thanks for sharing.

I understand how you feel. Betrayal and lack of honesty hurt. My view is that as long as one deals fairly and honestly with others, if others choose to be deceptive, the Almighty will reward them according to their deeds. Let's hope your husband finds what he is looking for. Double-minded people are a danger to themself. Also, you should sholder some of the blame as well because I have not heard your hubby side. I've had a very bad experience and I can't easily buy into women trap of men doing anything because they are extremely dangerous and have made some men disrespect them for their lies. It is my view, that you have done something real bad to your hubby. 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 8:44 PM
C., I can't beleive how much we have in common. Everything your are saying is exactly me too. My kids are my driving force. I went to the doctor and he put me on Effexor for anxiety/depression. He told me that I have to get through this by finding out who I am. I am losing half of my identity and that what i am feeling is greif. I have to figure out what "Jen the mom" not "Jen the wife/mom" looks like. He told em not to be too hard on myself and know that this feeling of greif will pass. Since my husband is still playing the "I don't know game" also, I have to focus my energy on my kids and make them ok. Whne he figures it out, then I will know what step to take. I am choosing to wait ti out awhile longer because I love my children. Oh my God, the thought of the pain they will feel if he leaves us just kills me. I hope some part of this helps you, C. I wish I had a friend to talk to that understamds like you do. Thanks for sharing, it helps me to know I am no the only one. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 12:42 PM
Jen M, indeed U may not be alone and identify with C, however, I have a problem with women who bash men without giving all the facts. No disrespect, but for some strange reason I know that there is more to the story and you all are only telling us what U all want us to hear that side with you all. I know of many women who are just plain cheaters regardless to if their husbands are good or bad. At the end of the day, is honoring the union of marriage that matters as we in society have dispel that and we have so much ill in todays world. Wake up women and honor your marriages and those of U who like to divorce consider the main Judge - He is above. 

Name: C. | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 11:11 PM
Jen M, Thanks for writing back. It's terrible to know that you are experiencing the same pain, and my heart goes out to you. I have also been prescribed anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication. It think it has helped, but it's something I never imagined needing before all of this. I hope that you are able to remain patient and that your husband will open his heart to you and place his family first. Unfortunately, my husband has not made any efforts and we are now proceeding to divorce. Although he agrees that we have had a great marriage up until just these past few months, and he can't explain to me why he doesn't want our marriage, he just doesn't. I know in my heart that I have done everything possible to make our marriage survive, and I have always been loyal to my husband, I can't make the marriage a success by myself. It is so painful, and knowing the pain my child will feel is unbearable at times, but I'm going to focus on his happiness. I am praying that focusing on his life and ensuring his adjustment and happiness will also guide me through this. Whatever happens in your life, my advice to you is to try to find yourself rather than try to control his actions, look at things for what they are rather than what you dream them being, and hold your children close to your heart because they need their mommy and because you need them. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 26th, 2008 12:42 AM
C, stop the whinning and get a life. If you believe and honor the vows that you took then U know what to do. Don't come on here and bash anyone - go get professional help that can truly help you in your marriage - if you are interested in saving it and not cheating as an excuse. Had enough of your cry. 

Name: Lisa | Date: Jan 27th, 2008 3:31 AM
Exactly my problem 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 28th, 2008 3:24 AM
John, until you are a woman in this situation, you need to keep you opinions to yourself. How can you be so hurtful to somone who is going through something so horrible. This is a chat room for C. to be able to vent, get off her back. In reference to what you wrote to me, I am honoring my marriage and helping him in anyway to come to terms with why he is feeling this way. I do not want to divorce, who are you to judge if I am giving you the whole story, if you want to support these women in their time of pain , great! If not, stop judging others and go get a life since you seem to know how it should be lived. You sound like a man that is not interested in anyone but himself and I bet if you look around, everyone around you thinks the same thing, jerk. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 28th, 2008 1:21 PM
Jen M you came of here to vent to this comes with the territory. If truly wishes to vent U would go seek professional help not come on here. So to U go get your life in order dear. 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 29th, 2008 6:29 AM
John, I am doing all I can to get my life in order. Why don't you practice what you preach and give some hope to these ladies or something constructive. We don't need or care to be judged by some random man who is on a website that doesn't even pertain to his life. Get your own life and own problems and solve them. You are preying on people's pain, you are the one who needs to get his life in order. 

Name: Jen M. | Date: Jan 29th, 2008 6:30 AM
I am not your "dear" either. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 29th, 2008 4:46 PM
Jen M U are full it it so go look at your life again. Why not work out your problems with your husband than spending time here with your whinning? We are tired.... 

Name: Shirley | Date: Jan 29th, 2008 7:12 PM
Jen, why be upset with John when you came on here and seek advice? If you want advice then accept another's perspetives we also need a man side as well - don't you agree? 

Name: Ann | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 11:24 AM
Shirley, John seems to be giving judgement as well as some biased advice. These women came here to talk and try to find some sort of understanding and can only tell their story as it pertains to them (and what their spouses have chosen to divulge to them) and I do not see the women passing judgement only trying to make sense of what is happening to them. John on the other hand is assigning partial blame when he himself is not the one in their shoes (judge not less he be judged). This forum is not for blame, but to help! blaming only makes things worse instead of finding solutions. And so does telling someone to quit wining (who's wining now, does he want cheese with that?) When they just need someone to listen and have constructive advice. He on the other hand is horrible and sounds a bit bitter against women by the way he put things and if you (or he) can't see that then maybe take a good hard look @ how each of your roles with the opposite sex are. 

Name: C. | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 9:28 PM
Ann, Thank you for your reply, and for your insight into why both Jen M and I came to this website. This is my first chat experience, I'm going through the most difficult time in my life ever, and I needed to hear from others who have walked in my shoes. Getting your mind around something so shocking and making sense out of something that doesn't seem to make sense no matter how hard you try is so emotionally challenging, and to be accused of the things John writes to us about of is very disheartening. We need ideas and perspectives, not personal attacks. Thanks again - your support is appreciated. 

Name: april | Date: Feb 6th, 2008 8:30 PM
I think my husband has fallen out of love with me :-( 

Name: Julian | Date: Feb 7th, 2008 5:34 PM
April you are so right your husband have fallen out of love with you because of your cheating affair with me and you were caught on tape by a PI. 

Name: April K. | Date: Feb 7th, 2008 9:18 PM
Hello, I am 23 years old. I have been with my husband total almost 3 years, married only a few months. He told me he loves me but.. he is falling out of love with me. He said all I do is nagg, and put him down.. and hes tired of being accused everyday. For some reason I have a trust issue with him.. maybe it was because we broke up for 3 weeks last march and he slept with someone else. I dont know anything else that would make me not trust him. Anyways, so this morning he said he wanted me to leave because he doesnt think I will change. He said he needs me to be supportive to him and he doesnt need to be called a liar all the time. I promised him to change.. but I am scared that wont work. I know he isnt cheating on me because he is a iron worker.. he has the 3rd most dangerous job in the world, so i hear. I know he doesnt have time to even call me barely when hes there... so I know he isnt calling anyone else. He comes home filthy dirty, and smells bad... so I doubt he would be making a house call on his way home. I know he isnt cheating.. but for some reason.. I feel like I have to dig and dig... until I find something. What can I do to stop this? Just last week he was texting me on his lunch break telling me how much he needs me and wants me to just stop pushing him away with all the nagging. I love him so much.. we just got married.. I cant lose him. : ( 

Name: TRICIA | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 2:01 AM

Name: TRICIA | Date: Feb 9th, 2008 2:08 AM

Name: Julian | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 12:11 AM
Now that u will be single contact me and perhaps we can have a great time - its what I do. 

Name: gar | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 5:43 AM
that is quite comon, i think he may bee sneeking around on you , but if not then he,s tired of you,you have to go with somthing he would like to do , maybee trip with out kidds for a bitt, but a sit down and tell him how you feel ,and be honest,with out getting mad, don,t forget he might be seeing someone else, play it kool don,t get mad or all hell will happin and everyone will loose, try act happy with him ,get him to be happy there,s somthing that,s missing in you,r relasion ship you got to find it or ask him out right. good luck you need it 

Name: Mr. XXX | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 7:39 PM
Gar I am waiting for that discussion and interaction - so see you in the bedroom later. 

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