| Name: clarity | Date: Aug 15th, 2008 2:24 AM |
| that happened to me too lucie. he swore up and down that there was no one else. he thought i couldn't take it and he lied. imagine how disrespected i felt when i found out the truth. sometimes they don't tell because they lack courage. ↑ |
| Name: Jen | Date: Aug 15th, 2008 3:15 PM |
ok, my husband left me and filed for a divorce, that was nearly four yeras ago and actually, he was very confused. The divorce process took over three years to complete , but the oddest thing happened, my husband wanted us to get back together, I had to literally let him go in order to find his way back to me.
He was out trying to find himself. He left me after the death of my sister's husband. He met three woman , and they were either fat and ugly and treaten him rotten or one of them used him for his money. My son took it very badly , and made his life hell. During visitation, my son had me along to be with his dad.
Eventiually after getting treated so rottenly by the other woman, he knew how we were meant to be. We have know each other for twenty five years, We are married for twenty. The unfortunate number is ten, that is how many yeras we were married when he up and left... I am hust so glad that he is back in my life and he regrets the day he ever left... Good luck and I hope this helps you.. ↑ |
| Name: the other woman | Date: Aug 17th, 2008 12:25 AM |
| Jen, it sounds like your husband would not have come back if he had a good relationship with someone else. I think it was desperate of you to take him back. It's like you were the best of the worst. ↑ |
| Name: clarity | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 3:22 AM |
| after my husband left (after 8 years), he came back because he had a bad relationship. he couldn't stand to be alone. although some guys come back to the wife, it is usually because they fear lonliness, or the other woman dumped them. my ex did that. he left 2 years after he came back again. i allowed him to keep using me and believing he had changed. not likely. jen kick him to the curb. ↑ |
| Name: keb | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 6:43 AM |
| 13 years of marriage 6year old twins and a 11 year old daughter. left and acts ike he does not have children or ever had a wife It's confusing and sad marriage was rocky for a long time (he is a functioning alcholic). The part that I can not rap my mind ↑ |
| Name: loseyou | Date: Aug 22nd, 2008 3:16 AM |
| Meet and Date Beautiful Single Parents. See photos, blog and forum, watch video, send messages and chat with thousands of hot Single Parents. What are you waitting for ? http://www.singleparentloving.com Just join. It's easy and safe ! ↑ |
| Name: done | Date: Aug 22nd, 2008 11:46 AM |
| I am so annoyed! After a couple of years of disconnect and distance my husband has finally admitted he is having an affair. But wait...it's more than that. They are in love and planning their future. This has been going on behind my back for 2 years! I feel so stupid. He stopped having sex with me a year ago, stopped doing family vacations, came to bed 2 hours after me every night, and stopped calling me during the day. He was so uninterested in me. Now i know why. He didn't want to hurt me, but he is tired of living a charade of our marriage. Quote unquote. Whatever. I can pull her hair out. And to make it worse, she is beautiful, smart, sexy and a good person. I can't take this. I want to scream. I know I am better off. He wants to do what is right for the kids-aka have an amicable split. I can't even think about the kids now. My husband is IN LOVE with someone who isn't me. ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Aug 25th, 2008 10:25 PM |
| Well my husband told me its over last week and i moved out this Friday morning, he said said his feelings are not the same, he loves me but isn't in love with me, he said he is gonna go to Seattle to his brothers and figure things out but for now we are done, he got drunk on Friday night and kept blowing up my cell phone, he wanted me to pick him up but i didn't so he just kept calling and i wouldn't answer. So he called the next morning and i picked him up and we went and ate and then i was taking him home and he said no lets go to the park, so we did for a few hours and then i dropped him off at home. He called me later on that Saturday night but i didn't answer i fell a sleep. I then woke up sunday and went to church that morning and then he calls me rescedule his flight cause he was suppose to leave today but he didn't, anyways he called Sunday after church for mt o pick him and our daughter up so we can go eat so i did and we went and ate and dropped him back off at his sisters, me and my daughter went home and then came back for youth service and he calls to see if i was going to stop by to pick up my daughters belt so we did and chatted for a few and then i was smoking a cigarette which i don't smoke and he goes why you smoking and i go i want to and left it that., so before we left i asked him for a hug and he hugged me and he said i love you guys and i said i love you and as he walked away he says i love you..........I think my husband is confused but i can see he wants to get back together and he doesn't so i am CONFUSED. On Thursday night before I left he tells me he doesn't want to give me mixed messages and that he needs to stick by what he said about being over with so he can see if that is really what he wants and we end up having sex...........what the hell is that. I know my husband loves me i know he does, he also said to me the day he said it is over and that he is going to go to Seattle, that he needs this time and he tbinks the love for me will coem back, and then he says i think its gonna come back but for now we are done. Divorce has bever came out of his mouth at all, what do i do? ↑ |
| Name: clarity | Date: Aug 26th, 2008 8:26 PM |
| Pissed off-this sounds really hard, especially the sex part. I would recommend that you let him go and create some distance. Sounds like you both need it. Don't worry about him forgetting about you, or moving on. When it is real, genuine love, it works out. Give yourself this space. If you two are destined to make it, he will come back. I promise. If he doesn't, the time apart will start the healing process for you. Be strong. ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Aug 26th, 2008 11:52 PM |
| Thanks Clarity. i know need to give us both ths space, so when he leaves in two weeks we will both have that. I will keep praying for our marriage and if our love is genuine then he will be back. Its just hard, i never thought something like this would happen to me i thought our marriage was solid, but i guess not, it does happen to the best of us. And everything does happen for a reason. I just got to focus on me and my daughter. ↑ |
| Name: clarity | Date: Aug 27th, 2008 5:07 PM |
| Pissed off hang in there! You're right you do need to focus on yourself and your daughter. I have been where you are..minus the child part. It sucks I know. Looking back though my ex leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. Would you believe we are great friends and I have a huge respect for him for wanting something better for both of us. Every situation is unique and each day changes. Be strong is all I could say. There is no right or wrong way to feel right now. Allow yourself the ups and downs. They will come. I hope that you are okay. ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Aug 27th, 2008 5:20 PM |
Thanks Clarity, i will be ok, It is what it is and i have to accept that. Time will tell, so we will see. I will keep you posted.
Thanks again for the words of encouragement. ↑ |
| Name: Mz What It Is | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 5:14 PM |
| It will get better. It's now going on eight months since he's left the house. Not once has he attempted to reconcile. I let him go the day he walked out the door and he has been absent ever since. Dine is done. I have spoke with him on a few occasions and have requested he and I go for mediation services for the divorce. The expense of a divorce and the conflict is too much. I will always love him although what we had was good in todays society men and woman don't work hard on the marriage to salvage and repair and reconnect like days of old. Sure every couple has their off times and stuff. A person with good moral character will try as hard as they can to recreate and make it right with their chosen one. I am angry that he has tried me on for size for the past eleven years . Does not want to spend the rest of his life married. We are no longer suited for one another. He is in another relaitionship. I wish all of you strength & restful nights ↑ |
| Name: cjb | Date: Sep 1st, 2008 12:46 AM |
| Name: lucie | Date: Sep 1st, 2008 4:49 AM |
| My ex and I were married 11 years and together 17. The last two years he was distant, disconnected from the family, didn't touch me, seemed miserabe. I asked him what was wrong and he would say he was trying to figure stuff out. I thought he was depressed with work, or something like that. I didn't know what to do. I suggested counselling but that got us nowhere. I finally asked him to try counselling again and it turns out he was in a relationship for 2 years! All behind my back. But it was worse, they were in love. He used the therapist to tell me and transition me out of the marriage. My ex and the other woman are now getting married. I hate them. Yet I am so jealous of her. She is a beautiful, successful woman. I can see why he is attracted to her. But it still hurts me. He told me he had been in love with her for two years. I can't believe I didn't know. Looking back the signs were there. I was just too stupid to want to see them. I feel left behind, while he is enjoying a new life. I am only 38 years old. I am hoping that my real soul mate is out there. He says he has found his. ↑ |
| Name: nice08 | Date: Sep 3rd, 2008 7:01 AM |
| A single parent personals, dating and marriage site that assists single mothers and single dads to find marriage and long-term relationships. www.singleparentloving.com Free join. Meet your soul match in your area ! ↑ |
| Name: Deborah | Date: Sep 3rd, 2008 1:37 PM |
| I am going through the same thing right now. We have 2 teenagers, married 20 years (and I do love him), and like you my husband has friends that are newly divorced and are dating younger women. You are probably wondering what you did. My husband said he can "never, ever love me anymore", but can give me no reason why! He ignores me completely as if I do not exist. This is a very "sef-centered" man. I am so stressed out... I am now having panic attacks. Please know you are a better wife than he deserves! Do not continue this way. Your children need you, and you need to protect your health. I keep wondering what example am I setting for my children by staying with a man who does not love me, and emotionally and mentally abuses me. ↑ |
| Name: debevo | Date: Sep 3rd, 2008 2:33 PM |
| My hubby told me last night he does not love me anymore and hasn't for about 4 years.. It was 4 years ago we seen a counsellor and I thought we were ok.. I asked him why he doesn't love me and he does not know.. He says he does not like my anger, stress but he needs to acknowledge I stress with the kids and he thinks I over react. I beg to differ.. He is in th army so w go through a lot and move a lot. He wants me to go back to the UK to live, we are in Germany at the mo and if he has to stay here for his job he wouldn't see the kids (age 7 and 9) very often, maybe about once a month and I would be on my own stressed out and feeling very very drepressed. Off to docs tomorrow for some help...I may consider getting him to give his life up in the army and help me bring the kids up instead of being a long distance dad.. It will kill me to do but his kids as much as mine and he is a good dad, not as stressed as me.. ↑ |
| Name: clarity | Date: Sep 6th, 2008 10:29 AM |
| I asked my ex why he didn't love me anymore too when he was leaving. He said he didn't know too. He said you can't answer really why you love someone...you just do. The same goes why you don't love someone. The heart wants what it wants and has a mind of its own. That's what he said to me. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Sep 7th, 2008 2:56 AM |
| I have had bad past with men when I met my husband I joked he was my knight and shinning armor. He walked out on the boys and I about a month ago. Ages 2, 4 and 6. I know he left me and not them but I feel we are a package deal. I have never felt so lonley in my whole life and dont know what to do. Part of me wants to be angry and the other just wants to cry. I know I cant make someone love me but I am just so hurt! If it was not for my boys I dont know what I would do. I should pray more I know but just feel so helpless! ↑ |
| Name: lucie | Date: Sep 7th, 2008 2:44 PM |
| Lisa, I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard that is. Your husband probably made a very difficult decision and it is so important that he keeps a good relationship with the boys. You two are adults and can get through this whatever happens, your boys need a dad, and I hope that he keeps up a relationship with them. ↑ |
| Name: angela | Date: Sep 8th, 2008 6:23 PM |
| i have been married to my husband for 7 yrs and we was togather for a total of 12 yrs,i over heard his conversation talking to a woman, he was telling her how his was trying to get out of the situation with me, i was hurt,than a few weeks later (i came home to find my husband moveing furniture out of our home, he even took our bedroom set, we almost lost our home because he walked off and necer paid the mortgage, he walked off at a time i really needed him (i found out that i had a cyst on my brain ,ny husband didn't care ,i went to all of my dr. appointments alone, he never ask how iam doing (he walked off like i never exsisted. ↑ |
| Name: Pissed off | Date: Sep 10th, 2008 7:25 PM |
| Just wanted to give an update about me and my husband. Its been a litte over 2 weeks since i moved out and things seem to be ok. Although we are over with we see each other all the time and spend the weekends together like we a couple and family. Last week he called me over to spend the night and i went, its like we a couple, i don't get it. I just take it one day at a time and take it like "it is what it is" I am doing good and not stressing anymore. We just haven't talked about how the separation has been for him, for me i am ok its him that wanted to be apart so he could see what he really wants, and so far no talk about that. From time to time he will throw in little things about our future like we gonna be together so i don't know what that means. I just take it one day at a time and thank god for that. We still call each other hon and babe. He doesn't go out anymore like he use to so i don't know what to make of it, if he is happier that i am not there or what. ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Sep 15th, 2008 7:09 PM |
| Its me again, its now about 3 weeks since my husband and I been separated (living apart) and we still see each other all the time, we spend alot of time together with our daughter at the park. We go out to eat we still call each other babe and hon. I still haven't asked my husband if anything has changed in how he is feeling about our relationship and with me, If anything has changed since we've been apart, i want to ask him and then i don't want to push him either, i don't know if 3 weeks apart is enought time for him to really have thought things through, What do I do, do i ask him or just leave it alone and when he is ready to talk about it then we talk about it. We still have sex and i do sometimes sleep over, what do you make of this? is he realizing a little bit now or what? last week when he i dropped him off at one of his friends and he goes give me a kiss before he left and then later on that eveing he called me to say where he was going next and he said he love me. And that same night my cousin said he saw him and he aske where i was at and my husband tells him we're not together, now what is that? clarity if you can give me some feedback on this please do.. ↑ |
| Name: Monica C. Cole | Date: Sep 16th, 2008 8:14 AM |
(09-15-08) Amy,
I was once too, in your shoes... my new husband , my fairy tale come true, and when our baby boy Dean was only 2 months old, left me. "Yes", it's devistating, it's hard to breath and most of all it is lonely. I still remember, when I would wake up and for a fleeting nano second everything was "ok". It was that time right before your fully cognitive thinking process has kicked in and your brain has not registered the pain you have been enduring. Then, flash reality floods in and that unbearable hurt-ache-butterfly-anxious-feeling re-embeds itself within your spirit. I know, I felt it and every now and then I flash back and the pain is there... but today many years later, the pain is gone as fast as it has come fleeting and feeling as if it was someone elses story! For me it was almost 20 years ago, my son will be 20 years old on September 30, 2008 (his Fathers' birthday also, yes it made it even harder), I know this doesn't erase your hurts or the wrongs you are feeling put upon your spirit and just the travesty of it! Time is the true healer and the healing balm, for me was God and No I am not going to preach! For one I never even realized this until recently, I always have had my "forgotten sea box" its my $2.00, 200 page notebook that I would write my wishes, dreams, fantasies, angers, hurts, rants my feelings about events or issues basically circumstances that I didn't know how to change , but that I wanted desperately to change! I would and still do write them out sometimes quickly scribbled , others legible and presice, but the one consistency ws I dated and timed every notation signed and tore the page out folded it crumpled it, depending my emotional state and then it was put into a box that I called my "Forgotten Sea Box". It was a shoe box taped shut with a rectangle slit cut in the top to allow the thoughts to be deposited into Gods' sea of forgetfullness. I know sounds wierd, but what it did was take the things I had NO control over out of my head and agknowledged the situation and placed the worry in God's hands! What I mean is I still hurt i verified it and validated that hurt and knew it was a process, that was not enjoyable but endurable and I then refocused on what could I do that moment that would ease the pain by busying my mind through the act of putting my body to work physically. I cleaned the house, took a shower, gave my son a bath, went for a walk (baby in stroller), did a work out tape, called my mom, yardwork , enrolled in college, devoted time and energy to raising my son and cried cried cried and cried some more... and time healed those wounds and God made time so God through my forgotten sea box took and trimmed and buffed and polished all the rough edges away by simply, writing it down it goes from a dream to a plan when put to pen and paper! It may seem a small thing but God is known for bringing you through the storm when you never even knew He-GOD was ever aware of your pain. Your life is imprtant all of the events and tragedys you go through if dealt with, not ignored, will build integrity, character and a compassionate heart, so look within and pour out what you cant change, but climb the moutain knowing your not alone in your times of struggles or with your, deep deabilitating pain of the heart that has been placed on your life, LIVE its better than existing, feel the pain and then when ready move on and one day you will realize hey today was not to bad. Oh, and my son is an awesome well balanced all american almost 20 year old boy who has and continues to be my inspiration and a loving successfull individual not only do I love him, but I like who my son has grown to become.
Sincerely Caring,
Mended Hearts Do Happen
Monica C. Cole ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Sep 16th, 2008 10:14 PM |
Yesterday my husband called me and said he wanted me to bring our daughter over to him and i said no i will drop her off in the morning. So he calls later on around 830 and says to come over and spend the night cause his leg was hurting so we did and i massaged his leg and then we ended up having sex, plus there was more cuddling this time then before, he also told me he loved me lastnight, now we are supposedly done with each other and yet we still do alot together with our daughter and we still call each other babe, now what could this mean? He just called me right now at work so i can talk to our daughter and i told him i needed 20 bucks so he says come and get it in the morning on my way to work, now i feel like ok why not just have me sleep over tonight and pick it up. Is he kinda feeling us or what? what do you make of this?
He wants to tell everyone that we are done if they ask but when we are together its like we a family, could he be giving me mixed signals or he really doesn't know what he wants and is still confused on whether he is still in love with me or not. I need some answers. ↑ |
| Name: pissed off | Date: Sep 17th, 2008 6:38 PM |
| My husband and I are getting along really good, he has been saying things that tell me we will be together. But i don't want to get my hopes up so i'll just leave it at that. SO far all is well even though we are apart. ↑ |
| Name: love | Date: Sep 18th, 2008 4:38 PM |
| Me and my husband have been separated for about a month, he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and that he needed to separate so we did. We see each other all the time, last night he went and drank with his buddys and called me said i love you and saying things like have u ever cheated on me since we've been together and i said No which is the truth, then he goes are you going to treat me good and i said yeah, then he says i love you. He then calls later on lastnight and says for me to come over, his stomach was hurting and he was really faded, i massaged his stomach and he goes i know i need you, but i don't want you but i need you, i love you with all my heart. right when he said i don't want you I need you i was furious, and upset and he goes that didn;t come out right i didn't mean it, i am faded and i do want you and need you, i love you with all my heart. Then this morning he woke up and doesn't remember saying that. What do i do, did he really mean he didn't want me but he only needs me. I can't stop thinking about what he said even though he said he didn't mean that, can someone help me out here with this. ↑ |
| Name: MONICA | Date: Sep 22nd, 2008 7:53 PM |
| My husband left and filed for a divorce a year ago, but I filed an appeal that is going to tie the divorce up for another year. I know how to play the court system, but I need to know how to get my husband interested in me again. When he communicates with me it's about wanting to hurry up with the divorce, so he can move on with his life. Does anybody have any good suggestions???? ↑ |
| Name: AP | Date: Sep 23rd, 2008 12:23 AM |
| I am sad that we all seem to be part of the same 'club'. I too have a husband who has decided after 10 yrs of marriage and two beautiful children (8yrs & 6rs) that he isn't in love with me and that he doesn't feel he can be a faithful husband. I discovered he had a girlfriend three weeks after we had moved to a different state and two weeks before we were to take our 10 yr anniversary trip to Europe. I actually thought we would renew our vows while there! I have had some time, about three months, and each day I choose to feel strong and positive about a happy future for myself and my girls. I am almost 40 and have been mostly out of the work force but I am now going back full-time and this makes me feel empowered. For those who are going through this, please know that you should not have to be in a marriage where you are getting by on the scraps of happiness he throws your way. We often negotiate down what we need- to be loved, cherished, desired- and I've decided that I would rather be alone and have the hope of finding someone that truly is in love with me, than to be with a person that is not. I am looking at this as a growth opportunity for me and as a chance for me to demonstrate to my girls how to handle challenges with dignity and grace. In the end, my soon-to-be ex husband and I will need to continue to be parents together and by finding peace and forgiveness with this situation I know I can forge a wonderful co-parenting relationship. I don't want the weight of saddness and anger on my heart. It has taken time but I am finally there. Some days are better than others but on a whole I feel a part of the living again. Best wishes to you all. I wish you peace, love, and happiness. We all deserve it. ↑ |
| Name: mimie | Date: Sep 29th, 2008 1:29 AM |
| i love my husband but feel that he doesn't feel the same way i dont want to be in this relationship anymore he do not understand me what should i do ↑ |
|
|
